Romance In The Air
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry does his best to avoid the drama that always seems to envelop the agency around Valentine's Day, but between an agency breakup and a mysterious Danville Bank robbery, he's sure to have his hands full. Phineas and Ferb, meanwhile, create a strange Valentine's Day experience for the people of Danville. THIS WILL NOT MAKE SENSE WITHOUT READING PRIOR STORIES IN MY SERIES
1. Chapter 1

**My stories are part of a series, this may be confusing without having read the prior tales! If you choose to read, the main things you'll need to know are that Phineas, Ferb, Candace and Perry are able to communicate via translator - PnF remember the Second Dimension adventures now, and as of recently, Candace has also begun using the translator. Happy reading!  
**

 _Peter the panda snuck down the west hall of the O.W.C.A._

 _He stopped in front of an empty section of the wall._

 _Slowly, very slowly, he reached into his pocket…_

 _WHIP!_

 _BAM!_

"Peter, what are you doing?" Perry the platypus asked.

"What does it look like?" Peter responded, smoothing a large piece of paper onto the wall. "I'm putting up a poster."

"Very violently. Why'd you slam it on the wall like that?"

"I'm pretending I'm in an action movie." Peter said. He stepped back. "What do you think?"

The poster depicted Peter holding up a large heart, upon which the words **COME TO THE O.W.C.A VALENTINE DANCE (SPONSORED BY THE SAVE THE PANDAS FOUNDATION)** were printed.

"Nice." Perry said. "If you ask me, though, we have way too many events. …Shouldn't you wait until February to put that up?"

"People need time to find a date." Peter said.

Carrie the cat walked by.

"Hey, Carrie!" Peter said.

Carrie stopped and looked at him.

"Guess what? I'm in charge of the Valentine's Day Dance this year!" Peter pumped his fist. "All proceeds go to the Save The Pandas Foundation!"

Carrie burst into tears and ran back the way she had come.

Perry raised an eyebrow. "That was a weird reaction."

Peter shrugged. "After the Decorate Everything Movement during the Holiday Party, most agents have been kind of negative toward me planning any events. So, are you gonna bring a special someone to the dance?"

Perry shook his head. "I don't really do dances. How about you?"

Peter thought for a moment. "Well… I couldn't choose between Lydia, Veronica, Alice, Debbie, Lorelai, Louise, Greta and Marcie, so I was thinking I'd just take my sister Prissy. Or maybe I should take everyone. But I'm not sure if non-agents are allowed in the O.W.C.A…"

"You lead a strange life, Peter." Perry said.

"Please." Peter said. "Your love life is way more complicated than mine."

* * *

Perry sat down next to Pinky the Chihuahua in the O.W.C.A cafeteria. "They have egg noodles today! I must savor each and every one."

Pinky was staring at Carrie, who was waiting in the lunch line. She seemed to be very interested in the floor. "I'm concerned about Carrie."

"I'll be concerned later." Perry took a forkful of pasta. "Right now I'm living in the moment. A moment filled with eggy, noodley goodness."

"She looks really upset." Pinky said. "Do you think we should… I don't know. Should we talk to her?"

"About what?" Perry wiped his mouth with his napkin. "The solar system? Look, Pinky, I don't know Carrie all that well, but if it were me, I don't like talking to just anyone when I'm upset. She probably has some friends she can talk to."

Carrie left the food line and started toward an empty table.

"Hey, Carrie!" Pinky shouted. "Come over here."

"Or we could just call her over and watch the chaos unfold." Perry muttered.

Carrie looked frightened. She glanced behind herself, as though looking to see if Pinky was addressing someone else.

"Yes, you." Pinky said. "Come on."

Carrie sat down across from them, shoulders hunched.

"Why so nervous?" Pinky asked. "You know us."

"I thought maybe you'd be mad at me." Carrie said, her voice wobbling. "Even though it's not my fault."

"Mad at you for what? Wait… were you the one who caused the pizza oven to catch fire?" Perry asked.

Carrie shook her head. "That was Ned the narwhal."

"So what's wrong?" Pinky asked.  
Carrie started to cry. Perry watched her for a few moments before awkwardly handing her a napkin.

"I… I hate boys!" Carrie choked.

"No offense taken." Perry said.

"No… no, not you… no… just Devon!" Carrie took the napkin from him and sobbed into it.

"Aw, Carrie…" Pinky said. "Did something happen between you and Devon the dog?"

"W…we b-broke up." Carrie whimpered. "I… I thought maybe he told you and you thought I b-b-broke up with him. But I d-didn't!"

"Oh no." Perry said. "What happened?"

"I… I don't know! I just… I s-s-saw him talking to this other girl at the Googolplex Mall… some… cocker spaniel… and… and… I didn't think much of it… b-but when I called him… a few minutes later to ask him if he wanted to get ice cream b-because I knew he was at the mall too… he said he couldn't talk because he was at a MEETING!" Carrie threw her tear-soaked napkin across the room. Perry ducked to avoid it. "A meeting! He l-lied to me! So now we're through! Forever…"

Carrie started to bawl. All of the other agents in the room turned to look at her.

"I didn't do anything." Perry said loudly.

Pinky handed Carrie another napkin. "I can't believe Devon would do that. I'm so sorry."

"Y-you don't believe me!"

"I do!" Pinky said. "I just meant… ugh, never mind. Don't worry, Carrie. There are plenty of other people out there. You'll find the right one someday."

Carrie shook her head. Hiding her face in her napkin, she ran for the door, slamming it behind her.

The cafeteria was silent.

After a moment, Jack Russell the Jack Russell Terrier handed a rose to Charlisse the chameleon.

"So, as I was saying before that happened…" Jack Russell said. "Do you want to go to the dance with me?"

* * *

"Perrywinkle." Ferb said loudly.

Perry opened one eye. The boys were standing in the doorway of their room.

"Oh good, you're home." Perry climbed out of Phineas's bed. "Feed me."

"Perry, guess what?" Phineas said. "Danville is going to have a Fancy Pants Dance on Valentine's Day, and Ferb and I are arranging it."

"Everyone comes in a fancy pair of pants." Ferb said.

"Lovely." Perry yawned.  
"So how was your day?" Phineas asked.

"Were you busy as a button?" Ferb asked.

Perry looked at him.

"That's what we did today." Phineas said. "We invented a new cool saying. It's already catching on."

"Oookayyy." Perry said. "Well… I guess today was all right. Too much drama, though. Carrie and Devon broke up."  
"Aww." Phineas said sadly. "Wait… who are Carrie and Devon?"

"Devon the dog and Carrie the cat. Apparently Devon was cheating on Carrie because he lied about being with this girl at the mall."

"Oh no." Phineas said.

"It just doesn't sound right, though." Perry said. "Devon's not the kind of guy to do something like that. Anyway, I know you two are arranging the Pants Dance or whatever, but are you actually going to it?"

"Yeah." Phineas nodded. "We're gonna go all together with Baljeet and Buford and Isabella."

"And my cow." Ferb said.

"That'll be fun." Perry yawned.

"Isn't Valentine's Day awesome?" Phineas spun around. "Holidays are so fun. For the dance, we're gonna make a giant light-up heart that will project the faces of people who are truly meant to be together."

"That sounds like it won't backfire at all." Perry said.

"And a giant statue of neon pants." Ferb said.

"You should come, Perry." Phineas said.

"I don't really like dances. I think I'll do my own thing for Valentine's Day." Perry said.

"One time, when we were little, Ferb and I dressed up as cupids for Valentine's Day." Phineas said.

"I shot people with arrows." Ferb said.

"Oh my." Perry said.

"They were fake arrows." Phineas said. "One time we were going on a plane to go to England to see grandma and grandpa while mom and dad went on a romantic vacation, and we took our Valentine arrows with us. But the airline people made us leave the arrows with mom and dad."

"They said they were weapons." Ferb said.

"I said they weren't weapons because I wasn't going to shoot anybody but the flight attendant still said no." Phineas said sadly.

Perry started to laugh.

"What?" Phineas asked.

"I just pictured you shooting a bunch of people with heart-shaped arrows on the plane."

"Romance in the air." Ferb said.

"Exactly." Perry said. "Maybe the plane people hated visual puns."


	2. Chapter 2

Perry left his lair and started down the hall.

He figured he'd get a snack from the vending machine before he flew to Doofenshmirtz's. Surely nothing would happen if he got there a few minutes late. Doofenshmirtz usually waited for him before beginning his evil scheme.

Perry turned a corner and nearly crashed into Devon the dog, who was holding a box of magazines.

"Whoops." Perry backed up. "Sorry, Dev."

"That's okay." Devon said with a sigh. He readjusted the box in his arms.

"You look upset."

Devon nodded.

"I heard about Carrie."

"I don't even know why we broke up." Devon mumbled. "She didn't tell me."

Perry could tell Devon was legitimately upset. Devon was usually very excited, to the point of appearing oblivious and strange.

"She said she saw you at the mall with another girl and you lied about it when she called you." Perry said.

"She was there?" Devon looked even more upset. "Aw… man… it wasn't… it wasn't supposed to be like that. That girl was my cousin Dorothy. We ran into each other at the mall."

"Then why did you lie?" Perry asked.

"I was gonna surprise her." Devon said quietly. "I didn't know she was there… I was out buying this."

He shifted the box to his right arm and reached into his fur pocket.

"Oh…" Perry's eyes widened. "Oh… wow, Dev…"

Devon looked down forlornly at the ring. "I know. I should have just talked to her instead of lying. But I didn't want her to suspect it… I wanted her to be surprised."

"Aw man, I'm so sorry." Perry said, shaking his head. "If there's anything I can do to help you guys… she loves you, Dev. We'll get this sorted out. You can still propose to her, and she'll still be super happy and super surprised…"

"I hope so." Devon said. He put the ring back in his pocket.

Perry watched him walk away.

It just wasn't fair. There had to be some way to get Carrie to trust Devon again without giving away the surprise.

* * *

Perry landed his hovercar on Doofenshmirtz's balcony and got out.

He started to walk towards the large inator sitting in the living room.

BAM!

Suddenly Perry was trapped in a huge box shaped like a cell phone. The screen was a little window he was able to see out of.

"Well, well, well, Perry the platypus." Doofenshmirtz said, coming out from behind the inator. "Seems like your call has been cancelled. Wait… that makes no sense. Ugh. I was trying to think up some kind of pun that had to do with you getting trapped and like, a dial tone or an answering machine or something… eh. Speaking of puns, did you know that airline people hate puns? Anyway, I bet I know why you're here. It's because of my new app, right?"

Perry frowned, replaying his briefing in his head.

 _"There have been two bank robberies in the past two weeks." Monogram said. "Only one-hundred and forty dollars were stolen each time. We suspect Doofenshmirtz. Get out there and get to the bottom of it."_

"What?" Doofenshmirtz raised an eyebrow. "That's not why you're here? Well, that's my whole scheme today… ugh, now I have to explain everything." He leaned against the inator. "So, the other day, I came up with this cell phone application or whatever. It's called Doof-N-Dial. Basically, you open the app up, and all your contacts are stored in it. Whenever you call one of them, you have to pay one hundred dollars, and the money is sent directly to me! …Just… one teeny problem, though. No one actually… downloaded the app. Ever. So I created the APPLICATIONBUYERINATOR! With this inator, I can blast someone and they will be compelled to instantly download and start using my app! And soon, I will be the richest person in the tri-state area! And with those riches, I can… take over or something. Anyway, what do you say we fire this baby up?"

Perry shook his head.

"Well, I don't care what you think." Doofenshmirtz turned around and started to activate his inator.

Perry reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny drill. He drilled a hole in the phone screen and pushed it out.

"It's startinngggg!" Doofenshmirtz said excitedly. "You ready to buy a new app, Perry the platy- OOF!"

Perry kicked Doofenshmirtz in the stomach, shoving him against the inator. He saw the self-destruct button was on the bottom right.

He grabbed Doofenshmirtz's hand and slammed it against the button.

The inator exploded.

"Ow." Doofenshmirtz rubbed his hand. "Why do you always do that? It's easier just to push the button."

Perry smiled at him.

"You're a little meanie." Doofenshmirtz said. "You know that? No manners."

Perry climbed into his hovercar and flew away.

"CURSE YOU, PERRY THE APPAPU- I MEAN, PLATYPUS!" Doofenshmirtz yelled.

* * *

"JEREMY'S GONNA BE HERE SOON!" Candace shouted, throwing open the door to her closet. "I HAVE TO GET READY!"

"Okay, Candace." Linda called from downstairs. "Thank you for letting the entire tri-state area know."

"Might I suggest something in pale blue?" Perry said.

"Get off my bed, meatbrick." Candace snapped. "You're not even supposed to be in here."

"I live here." Perry said.

"Not in my room. Get out."

Perry stretched and yawned. "I've got just as much right to be in here as a bug in a rug."

"That makes no sense." Candace held up a green sweater. "What do you think?"

"Eh." Perry shrugged.

"This is a great sweater." Candace said. "I wore it when Jeremy and I went on our sixth official date."

Perry shrugged. "Kind of clashes with your hair."

Candace sighed and tossed the sweater back in her closet. "Fine. How about this cute sweaterdress?"

"Candace, I don't even wear clothes. I have no idea how to help you pick out an outfit."

"What do you think I should do for Jeremy for Valentine's Day?" Candace asked, putting the dress back in the closet. "Should I get him chocolates shaped like his head… or a nice bouquet of flowers…"

"The chocolates shaped like his head may give off the wrong message." Perry said.

"Really?" Candace asked.

"One: I'm a creepy stalker who has memorized your face to the point where I can easily carve it into a chocolate bar. Two: Cannibalism is fun."

"Well, I have to think of something." Candace said. "I can't just show up with nothing. Boyfriends ALWAYS do cutesy things for their girlfriends on Valentine's Day."

"Not necessarily. Last Valentine's Day, my girlfriend and I broke up."

Candace rolled her eyes. "So what are you doing for your girlfriend this year?"

Perry shrugged. "I dunno. I was thinking I'd take her to dinner or something."

"Dinner? How long has it been since you last saw her again?"

"Don't know. A month, maybe?"

"Perry!" Candace shook her head. "You have to do something big to make up for that. If Jeremy went a whole month without seeing me, I'd flip out!"

"I know. I remember that one time when you didn't see him for a whole two hours."

"But seriously, Perry. She's probably really sad. She might think you've lost interest in her." Candace looked at her watch. "How can he not be here yet? It's five minutes after he said he'd come! What if he isn't coming?!"

"Oh Candace. You're right, though. I should probably think up something a little better than just dinner."

"Of course I'm right." Candace placed a giant sunhat on her head.

"Not July yet, Candace." Perry said.

"Who cares? It's in style and I look adorable in it."

The doorbell rang.

Candace squealed. "He's here! All right, get out of my room so I can get my dress on real quick."

"I can't. I live here now."

Candace scooped him up and tossed him out the door. "Out!"

"Out of the hallway? Okay." Perry turned around.

Candace slammed the door in his face.

"Just messin' with ya." Perry said.

* * *

Perry was really starting to get sick of all the romantic happenings at the agency.

At least six couples had gotten together. There had been four public declarations of love.

And no matter where Perry went, there was always someone trying to ask him to the O.W.C.A dance. Half of the requests were from agents he hadn't even met before.

Perry was seriously considering hiring someone to walk alongside him to make it look as though he had already been asked by someone.

"A bunch of red roses? For me?" Someone exclaimed.

Perry looked back. Herman the hedgehog stepped out of his cubicle, holding a large bouquet of flowers.

"I shouldn't have!" Herman said happily.

Perry wasn't sure whether to laugh or feel sorry for Herman.

Someone tapped on his shoulder.

"Once again, the answer is…" Perry faced forward again. "Oh. Sorry, Pops. I thought you were another agent desperate for a date."

"Wanna go to the dance?" Poppy joked. "Just wanted to get your help with something."

"Sure." Perry said. "To the help thing, I mean."

Poppy pulled her phone out of her pocket. "Aw man, two more people unfollowed me on Laterpix. I never should have posted that cheese pun."

"But cheese puns are gouda." Perry said. "They're grate, in fact. They're cheddar than anything. Bet you a dollar all of your followers were airline workers."

"So I figured I'd get Toto flowers for Valentine's Day, because he loves them, you know?"

"Ugh. Do I have some neon sign flashing above my head saying 'Come To Me To Help Solve Your Romance Problems'?"

"Well, I found out different flowers have different meanings, and I'm guessing he probably knows enough about flowers…"

"You don't want to accidentally get him one that means 'Hi, I want to divorce you'." Perry finished.

"Yeahhhh." Poppy shut her phone off and stuck it back in her pocket. "And the internet was no help, so… I need to figure out a different gift idea. What sort of things do guys like?"

"Cheese puffs."

"You're no help."

"Seriously. Why are you asking me? I don't know Toto well enough. Doesn't he have some friends that can tell you?"

"No, he lives kind of a secluded life." Poppy's phone buzzed. She glanced down at it. "Great. My own daughter just unfollowed me."

"That's kind of a good tactic if someone's harassing you online. Just post a pun and they'll leave you alone."

"Anyway, if you think of something, let me know. If it's not… weird, you know."

"Pops, you poured an entire bottle of water on my head so that we could agree there would be no more weirdness."

"Right. Great. Thanks." Poppy started to walk away. Her phone buzzed again. "Seriously? Even Toto?"

"Shunned by the pun." Perry said.

Someone grabbed Perry by the shoulders and whirled him around.

"Woah, Pinky." Perry said. "Slow down."

"We have to do something." Pinky said.

"About what?"

"Devon and Carrie. I found out Devon was actually trying to-"

"I know. Slow down."

"We have to fix it!"

"We? Pinky, do I have a sign that says 'I Will Assist With All Romance Problems And I Need A Date To The Dance' on me somewhere? NO ONE will leave me alone today."

Pinky blinked. "Yes, actually. There's a sticky note on your back."

Perry reached around and closed his hand around a piece of paper. He could hear some of the new recruits giggling.

Pinky shook his head. "Never mind that, Perry. Come on. We're Devon's friends. And, through the transitive property of friendship, Carrie's. We've got to help them. We have an obligation to."

"I have an obligation to go home and order takeout."

"Come on." Pinky dragged Perry down the hall and out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

"So here's the plan." Peter said. "Picture this: We get a giant balloon. We stick Carrie in it, and-"

Perry shook his head. "Carrie's afraid of heights."

"I didn't say it was gonna lift off." Peter said.

"Where are we even going to get a giant balloon?" Darren the duck asked. "And who's gonna pay for it?"

Everyone looked at Pinky.

"No." Pinky said.

"Fine." Peter sat down. "Scrap that idea. Who's next?"

"Maybe we should take a break." Pinky looked at his watch. "We've been at this for two hours."

"Maybe we should just let Carrie and Devon work it out themselves." Perry said. "It's probably better that way. Also, I'm starving and I've been here for far longer than should be legal."

Peter yawned. "Yeah. Let's go home. I already ate all my emergency bamboo stalks."

"Okay. But we need to keep thinking." Pinky said. "Let's sleep on it and then exchange whatever ideas we have tomorrow."

"Sure. You guys do that." Perry said. "I'm gonna head home, eat too much, and then turn off my brain for the night."

* * *

Perry lowered his hovercar next to a large brick house. It looked exactly the same as all the other houses on the street, save for the mailbox, which had little drawings of puppies taped onto its side.

Perry climbed out of the car and walked up the steps to the front door. He rang the doorbell and waited.

A small platypus opened it, holding a jar containing a white substance. "Um, can I…"

"Hey, Pascal." Perry grinned.

Pascal's eyes lit up. "Dad! You came back!"

"Sorry I haven't been around much." Perry said. "I had a lot of stuff going on."

"Want some marshmallow fluff?" Pascal held out the jar.

"I think I'm good." Perry entered the house and closed the door. "Why are you up so late?"

"I always stay up late." Pascal said. "Pandora falls asleep kind of early but I like to play games and then sleep in. I found this game on the Internet where you make a village. But some of my people died and they turned into weird zombies and they were still able to build houses and have businesses and stuff."

"Oh my." Perry said. "Where's Sneakers?"  
"I dunno." Pascal led Perry into the kitchen and sat down in a dining chair. He dipped his entire paw into the marshmallow jar. "She's probably in the TV room. That's where Pandora fell asleep."

"Is that dinner?" Perry asked.

"Yep." Pascal began to lick the marshmallow goop from his paw.

"Insert joke about child welfare agents here." Perry said.

"Pascal, what the heck are you doing? I told you I was making dinner-"

Perry looked up. A platypus was stopped in the doorway of the hall that led to the kitchen.

"Hey, Prince." Perry smiled.

Prince narrowed her eyes. "You didn't call."

"Thought I'd surprise you."

Pascal took the distraction as an opportunity for another fistful of marshmallow.

"Pascal, go watch TV." Prince said.

"I'm playing a computer game." Pascal jumped out of his chair, leaving marshmallow fingerprints on the chair cushion. "With zombies."

"Back room. Your sibs want your company."

"Mkay." Pascal grabbed a laptop from the dining table and ran down the hall. Prince watched him until he was out of sight.

"Sorry." Perry said. "I just figured… I'm sorry I didn't call."

"Whatever." Prince grabbed a paper towel from behind the sink and began wiping off the dining chair Pascal had been sitting in.

"I missed you. I'm sorry I couldn't be here very much in the past month. A lot of stuff happened."

"Think you can just send me a bunch of flowers and stuff and that'll make up for never calling?" Prince growled.

"I'm sorry." Perry said again. "I know… I know. I messed up. I'm sorry. I figured you'd be okay with it… I mean, you know I've got work and a whole other family to deal with… but all the same… I should have been here. I'm really sorry, Prince."

Prince tossed the paper towel on the table. Perry noticed her right hand was still in her jacket pocket.

"Um… are you holding me at gunpoint?"

"My hand's just cold." Prince glared at him. "But believe me. I've thought about doing that."

"I actually came to ask you about something… to kind of make up for all that." Perry said.

Prince came a little closer to him. "Go ahead."

"So… I was thinking… I have the week off starting on Valentine's Day… and I thought it might be kind of fun to stay in a hotel near the nice part of Danville, you know, with all the shopping centers and movie theaters and restaurants and stuff…"

Prince smirked. "Kind of romantic getaway sort of thing? Just the two of us?"

Perry nodded. "Yeah. I mean, we don't have to do that if you don't want to… we could do something else, but…"  
Prince hugged him. Perry felt something hard press against his left hip.

"You _were_ holding me at gunpoint!"

"Sorry. It's a reflex."

"Did you at least have the safety on?"

"Just wanted to be prepared. You could have been absent because you were cheating on me or something."

"Prince, was the safety on or not?"

"I'll let you figure that out. Hey."

"What?"

"Thanks." Prince kissed him.

"No problem. I missed you."

"Missed ya too, loser."

* * *

Perry crawled through the petflap. It was dark in the kitchen.

At first Perry thought the entire family had gone to bed.

But after a moment, he could hear some faint noises coming from the living room. Perry headed in that direction.

Phineas and Ferb were sitting on the couch with video game controllers in their laps.

"I got you!" Phineas whispered.

"Did not."

"Ah, the art of whisper-yelling." Perry hopped up onto the couch and curled up next to Ferb. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Playing Element Fighters." Phineas said. "It's a game Ferb and I made. You pick an element and you fight."

"Would have never been able to figure that out. What element are you?"

"I'm fire." Phineas said. "Ferb is water."

"That'll end well." Perry said.

"Yeah, we keep turning into steam and having a draw." Phineas said.

"BOSS BATTLE!" The game said.

"Oh, good." Phineas said. "Now something will happen."

"FIRE AND WATER VS FIRE!" The game said.

"Fight fire with fire." Perry said.

Ferb's watery character began to blast the fire monster with a hose. "Guess I'm a FIREFIGHTER now." It said.

Phineas sighed. "We tried to program them to say brave stuff when they fight. Mostly all they do is come up with stupid puns or sayings."

"I bet all their friends on Laterpix will unfollow them." Perry said.

The fire monster threw a fireball at Phineas's fire character.

"Fire doesn't scare me!" Phineas's character said.

"Of course it doesn't." Ferb said. "You're fire. If you were water, perhaps that would be a very courageous statement…"

The fire monster jumped and landed on the two tiny characters. Steam filled the screen.

"GAME OVER." The game said.

Phineas yawned. "Next time we make a video game…"

"…Let's actually make it good." Ferb finished.

Phineas shut off the TV. "You were gone a long time, Perry. We left your dinner out for you."

"Was it because you were as busy as a button?" Ferb asked.

"Yeah, kinda."

"On a scale from one to button, how busy were you today?" Ferb asked.

"Please stop the button thing." Perry said.

Phineas yawned again. "Today we made the element video game… and we ate lunch… and we ran into Officer Bob. Do you know Officer Bob?"

"I know his kleptomaniac police dog, Gordy Steven." Perry said.

"Officer Bob says someone's been robbing the Danville Bank." Phineas said. "We were wondering if you'd heard anything about that at the O.W.C.A."

"I have heard, actually. Monogram sent me to Doofenshmirtz's because he suspected Doof was the one behind the robberies. Instead, Doof's scheme was just this cell-phone app thing."

"Doof-N-Dial?" Phineas snickered. "That app is lame."

"If you ask me, they should question Gordy Steven." Perry said.

"But Gordy Steven isn't a kleptomaniac. You just made that up last summer." Phineas reminded him.

Perry laughed. "Oh yeah. That's right. Never mind."

"Ferb, tomorrow should we…" Phineas began. "Oh. He's asleep."

"That was fast." Perry said.

"Ferb can sleep anywhere at any time." Phineas said. "One time he fell asleep standing up. Another time he fell asleep in the waterpark."

Perry patted Ferb on the shoulder. "Aww. Sleepy boy. Well, I'm gonna head to bed. I'm exhausted." Perry hopped down from the couch.

"Um… Perry?"  
"What?" Perry turned around. "Did I mess something up when I jumped?"  
"Uh… no. I was just wondering if I could talk to you about something."

Ferb snored.

"Sure." Perry sat down. "Everything okay?"

"I was just kind of worried when you didn't come home at the same time you normally do."

"Everyone wants me to be somewhere all the time-" Perry huffed.

"Sorry." Phineas bit his lip. "I wasn't trying to attack you. It's just… I'm always kind of scared whenever you leave. Because… sometimes you get hurt and don't come home. I'm always worried something's going to happen to you. And when you don't come back, I'm scared something's happened. I really like that you protect Danville… it's actually really cool, but… I just… I just kind of wish I could always know you're safe. And it's just the way I feel, Perry, and I can't help it."

"Phin." Perry shook his head. "We've talked about this."

"No, we haven't. You've always gotten mad whenever I tried to talk to you about it."

"No, I… oh. I guess I have." Perry put his paw on Phineas's knee. "I'm sorry. I really don't know how to make my work safer, but… I'll be more careful. I'll be super careful, okay? And I won't take on any missions that aren't assigned to me unless I'm filling in for someone. And I'll check all my water for poison from now on."  
Phineas laughed. "Okay. Sounds good."  
"I worry about you, too." Perry said. "If that makes you feel any better."

"Why would you have to worry about me?" Phineas asked.

 _I could lose you. I could lose you any day. I could be relocated. They could figure out we've let Candace in on communication and take me away. Some villain could take you to get something from me._

"I'll always come home, buddy." Perry said. "It may take a while sometimes. But I'll always come home."

"Thanks, Perry." Phineas curled up next to Ferb. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."


	4. Chapter 4

"Perry, Perry, Perry, Perry, Perry, Perry!" Phineas shouted.

"In here." Perry called.

"Perry!"

"IN HERE."

Phineas knocked on the door.

"Yes, Phin, in here."  
"Can I come in?"

"Um… yeah. You're physically able to turn the knob, right?"

Phineas opened the bathroom door. "I just wasn't sure if…"

"My litterbox is in the basement, Phin."

"Oh. Right." Phineas sat down on the counter. "What's on your face?"

"Soap." Perry grabbed a washcloth from the cabinet underneath the sink. "What did you think it was?"

Phineas shrugged. "I don't know. I was thinking it was some kind of facial stuff, but I wasn't sure because I know you hate that stuff. Why did you use so much soap?"

"It's so I can do this." Perry wet the washcloth and wiped the soap away from the right half of his face. "WHEN WILL MY REFLECTION SHO-"

"Oh, Perry! I almost forgot what I came in here for! You have to come see!" Phineas grabbed Perry's wrist and dragged him out of the bathroom.

"Hold up! I didn't do the 'Who I am inside' part! Half of my face still has soap on it! I'm like a bubbly version of Harvey Dent!"

Phineas led Perry down the stairs and out into the backyard. A very large plastic heart sat in the middle of the yard.

"Ferb and I finished it!" Phineas said happily. "It's the main attraction for the Fancy Pants Dance!"

"That heart that tells you which people are truly meant to be together?" Perry asked.

"Yep." Phineas said proudly.

Ferb waved at them from the top of the heart.

"I love seeing it in its innocent state before it causes a whole lot of trouble." Perry said.

"It won't cause trouble." Phineas said. "Just romance."

Perry snickered.

"What's that, Ferb?" Phineas called. "I couldn't hear you."

Ferb made a hand gesture.

"Oh, okay. I think there's some in the kitchen. I'll get it." He turned back to Perry. "Sorry. Just wanted you to see it."

"It's lovely." Perry said. "Can't wait to see it in action."

* * *

Perry had his hand on the door to his lair.

"Perry! Perry the platypus!"

Perry groaned and turned around. All he wanted was to go home. Why did something always have to happen right when he was about to head home?

A large jaguar wearing a fedora ran over to him. Agents gawked at him as he passed them.

"What do you need, Juan?" Perry asked. "And make it quick."

"I need… a favor." Juan said. He looked back at the agents staring at him.

"What, Juan?"

"Everyone is… in love these days." Juan said.

"Valentine's Day is next month." Perry explained.

"Really? How interesting. I do not mind, of course. I am a lover myself. I have fallen in love more times than the sun has rotated around the earth."

"…The earth rotates around the sun." Perry said.

"Oh, I know." Juan said.

Perry blinked.

"The thing is, I am all alone now." Juan said. "My one true love, Rosaline, is gone. I must find my one true love."

"You want me to find you someone." Perry said.

"Yes." Juan nodded. "Yes. I would be… grateful."

Perry looked over Juan's shoulder at all the agents gawking at him.

"Shouldn't be too hard." Perry said. "So what am I looking for? A certain someone? Anyone? No one? Preferably no one, since I want to get home?"

"My Rosaline…" Juan mused. "…Was a lioness. She had fur as golden as the morning sun, and eyes as dark as the nighttime."

"Uh…" Perry said.

"Her fur was light and her eyes were dark." Juan said. "Can you work with that?"

"Oh. Okay. May I ask why you think I'd be able to help?" Perry ran his hand over his back to check for sticky notes.

"I have it." Juan said, holding up a sticky note. "It fell off back there."

Perry rolled his eyes. He grabbed the sticky note and stuck it on Peter the panda's back as he walked by.

Juan's eyes lit up. "Peter! Peter the panda! I need your help!"

* * *

"Welcome to Peter's Love Seminar!" Peter said, stepping into the middle of a large stage he had set up in the O.W.C.A's main room. "Where all your love questions will be answered. Don't have a date for the dance yet? Don't worry! By the time this four-day seminar is over, you'll have HUNDREDS of agents asking you to take them! Are we ready?"

"YES!" Shouted the agents in the audience.

Juan raised his hand. "Have you found my Rosaline yet?"

"I looked her up. She's married." Peter said. "Tough. So, let's begin! Love starts like everything else…" Peter pointed at an easel with blank paper on it. "A blank page as white as a panda's tummy. In order to create your Love Masterpiece, you must start out by greeting the one you love, preferably with a cutesy pickup line. Allow me to demonstrate with an audience volunteer."

Peter grabbed a cocker spaniel from the audience and pulled her onstage. He cleared his throat.

"Cynthia, are you a panda? Because you're obviously the best." Peter said.

Cynthia glared at him.

"Keep in mind that some pickup lines don't work on all species." Peter said quickly. "And choose a pickup line that really works for the one you want to charm."

Magdalena the mongoose raised her hand. "What do you say if you want to ask someone out who likes to play the piano?"

"Are you one of those thin piano keys? Because you're looking sharp." Peter said.

Magdalena clapped. "That's so perfect! You really are a love genius."

"I know I am." Peter said.

"How about someone who likes sci-fi movies?" Asked Otis the owl.

"Are you Darth Vader? Because I choke up when I'm around you." Peter said.

"Someone who works part-time in retail?" Daniel the Dalmatian asked.

"Are you on sale? Because I'm not passing up this deal." Peter said.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Billy the beaver jumped up. "What about that transfer agent from Drusselstein?"

"Are you the Kinderlumper? Because you really get me." Peter said.

"This is the best seminar ever!" Lizzy the lizard said.

"Peter, what are you doing?" Ernest the eagle demanded.

Everyone turned to look at the large security agent standing in the doorway.

"Holding Peter's Love Seminar!" Peter said happily. "To help everyone of every species, gender, weight, eye color and outer covering find love! But unfortunately not height. There's a height limit on the doorway. So I'm giving Edie the elephant the opportunity to make an appearance via webcam."

Someone turned a chair around so that Edie could wave to Ernest from where her laptop sat.

Ernest folded his arms. "Do you have permission to hold a seminar in this room?"

"Of course." Peter nodded. "I gave myself full permission for the use of this room."

Ernest frowned. "That's not enough, Agent. You need the permission of Major Monogram or a security agent such as myself in order to hold your… Love Seminar."

All the agents groaned.

Ernest sat down in an empty chair. "And you have my permission. Go on."

Peter beamed. "Thank you for joining us today, Ernest. Now as I was saying…"

* * *

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I love you, Jeremy. Do you love me too?" Candace read.

Perry shook his head.

"You don't like it?" Candace looked at the front of her card. "Well, at least I have a lot of time to perfect it by Valentine's Day. What do I need to change?"

"Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem's overdone, so give it the boot." Perry said.

"But it's so romantic."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem's inaccurate, 'cause violets aren't blue."

"They kind of are." Candace sighed. "Never mind. I should be talking to Stacy about this sort of thing. I don't even know why I bothered asking you. You don't know the first thing about love. Your love poems are all disgusting."  
"But they have deep hidden meanings." Perry said. "Listen to this one: You are always on my mind. I can't quite tell where, or how to get you out, just like a hair inside of my mouth."

"See, ew." Candace said.

"But at least the metaphor matches." Perry said.

"At least it was better than the armpit one." Candace said. "I'll give you that."

Perry started to laugh. "I forgot about that one."

Candace rolled her eyes. "Boys."

"But seriously, you are so lucky you don't have to lick yourself to wash. I have a hair stuck in the back of my mouth and I can't get it out."

"We'll give you a translator so you can understand what Perry is saying, Candace." Candace said in a high-pitched voice. "It'll be fun, Candace."

"Wow, that sounded just like me." Phineas said, coming into the room.

Ferb stood in the doorway and gave Candace a thumbs-up.

Candace threw her hands in the air. "Why don't you guys just invite the whole neighborhood into my room?"

"They probably wouldn't fit." Phineas said.

"Just leave." Candace said. "All three of you. I'm busy."

"We're trying to create the perfect Five Senses Of Love Experience for the Fancy Pants Dance." Phineas said. "We figured out to decorate with a bunch of red and pink and hearts and lace and happy faces and stuff, you know, for what love looks like. And we found some fun love songs to play for the dance. So we're covered on sound. Ferb managed to figure out what love tastes like."

"I looked it up on the internet." Ferb said.

"Apparently, chocolate makes you feel as happy as being in love." Phineas said.

Perry shook his head. "I disagree. No significant other has ever made me feel as happy as chocolate has."

"So we're gonna make a chocolate cake." Phineas said. "But we don't know what extra scents to spray around when we bring the cake out. We figured we'd ask you guys because you've been in love. What does love smell like?"

"Hormones." Perry said.

"I'm not sure that's the best smell to have around the cake." Phineas said.

"He means stuff like roses, Perry." Candace said. "Roses and hugs and kisses and lace and cards and chocolates and…"

"Okay." Phineas said, writing some stuff down on a notepad. "What do kisses and hugs smell like?"

"Lipstick and body odor." Perry said.

"Don't ask him anything." Candace said. "Never mind. Just do roses and chocolates."

"Sounds lovely." Phineas said. "So what does love feel like?"

"I'll tell you when you're older." Perry said.

Ferb snickered.

"It's a warm feeling." Candace said. "A very lovely warm, happy feeling. Like this one time when Jeremy hugged me, I just felt so warm and happy and jumpy…"

"Warm, happy, jumpy." Phineas said, writing it down. "Thanks, guys. This is gonna be the best Fancy Pants Dance ever."

"Yes, yes it is." Perry said. "Mostly because there's never been one before."


	5. Chapter 5

_Perry was sitting in an ice cream shop._

 _He was pretty sure he had seen the ice cream man before. He looked way too familiar._

 _"Are you…" Perry squinted. The man was tall with a white mustache, and he was wearing olive green. He kind of looked like…_  
 _"Yep, I'm him." The man said. "Vance Ward. Do you want my autograph?"_

 _"Sure, Major Vance Ward."_

 _"No problem." Vance Ward drew a picture of a unicorn on the table. "There you go. You can sell it online, Agent. Agent. Agent! AGENT!"_

"AGENT!"

Perry jolted awake and tried to figure out where he was.

He was on one of the couches in the waiting room for Monogram's office, cuddling a pillow.

Right. He had been waiting for Monogram to meet with him. He must have accidentally dozed off.

"Hi, Ernest." Perry yawned. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. "What do you want?"

"Why were you asleep?" Ernest the eagle demanded.

"Drifted off for a second." Perry mumbled, starting to close his eyes again.

"Agents must be alert at all times." Ernest said sternly. "We can't have you slacking off."  
"I was just tired." Perry yawned. "I was up all night rearranging files."

"Doesn't matter. You need to focus. Anything can happen at any time, and you need to be ready for anything."

"Is that why you're taking Peter's Love Seminar? To be ready for anything? To be ready for love?"

Ernest's face turned red. "Who told you about that?"

"I saw you talking to one of the Dating Dolls Peter gave out. Just a word of advice: The reason the doll never says 'yes' when you ask it to go out to dinner is because it's stuffed."

"You think everything's just one big joke." Ernest snapped. "You just wait, you little…"

"Ernest." A fennec fox said, coming up behind him. "This is Perry."

Ernest narrowed his eyes. "Remember your place, Lowe."

He stormed away.

"Thanks." Perry said. "It was gonna get ugly. I don't get why Ernest has to bother me all the time. What was with that 'This is Perry' thing?"  
"Sometimes Ernest forgets he's speaking to you." Lowe said. "He feels as though he has more authority over you than he actually does because you remind him of his nephew. I've tried explaining to him that chiding you constantly does neither one of you good, but he doesn't want to hear it."

"Remember your place, Lowe." Perry mocked.

"Haven't seen you in a while, so I assume you've been well." Lowe said.

"I haven't seen you, either." Perry said.  
"True, I have been gone a bit." Lowe coughed. "My lungs have gotten worse. I need twice as much medication now, and I can only afford that amount once a week rather than twice a week."

"Oh no." Perry frowned. "Want me to have a mental breakdown or a mid-life crisis or something to help you get some extra cash?"

Lowe laughed. "That won't be necessary. My sister's working overtime to help pay."

"Working hard or hardly working?"  
"Hardly working, most likely." Lowe smiled.

"By the way, I never thanked you for helping the boys out while I was stuck in the hospital." Perry said.

"It was no problem. It was an honor."

"Phineas wanted to build a statue to thank you, but I figured that'd be a little embarrassing."

"He's a sweet kid. Both of them are. Very close to each other. Good relationship." Lowe started to wheeze. "I'd better go lie down."  
"Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." Perry said.

Lowe nodded. He walked away.

Perry started to fall asleep again. He wondered if he'd be able to conclude the weird Major-Monogram-Vance-Ward dream before Monogram called him into his office.

* * *

"This was the perfect idea, Peter." Pinky said.

"I always have perfect ideas." Peter handed a faceless rag doll to Pinky. "The tape recorder is inside."

"Great!" Pinky said. "Let's put Plan Ugly Doll into action!"

"Excuse me?" Peter covered the areas where the doll's ears would have been. "This doll is not ugly. It's an official Save-The-Pandas-brand Dating Doll."

"Plan Ugly Doll has a nice ring to it." Billy the beaver said.

"Okay, but don't say that in front of him. Her. It." Peter handed the doll to Pinky.

Pinky took the doll from Peter and went down the hall until he came to the door leading to the main room. He went inside and made a beeline for the left corner of the room where Devon was sitting alone.

Devon looked up miserably. His gaze brightened slightly when he saw Pinky. "Hey."

"Hey." Pinky said. "Don't be sad. You'll be able to talk things out with Carrie once she cools down."

Devon shook his head. "Carrie won't cool down."

"I'm sure she will." Pinky sat down next to him.  
"She won't. I knew I had to be super-careful when I started dating her because… well, for one thing, everything scares her. But… also because of her past." Devon sighed. "I don't know if you knew… she doesn't really talk about it, but… her first relationship was really bad. She had an abusive mate, and he took her kitten away from her. It took forever to get her to trust me enough so that I could start dating her… and now… I don't think she'll ever trust me again."

"Oh." Pinky said. "Well… what would you say to her if you could explain everything to her?"

He squeezed the doll.

Devon shrugged. "I… I dunno. I just would want Carrie to know that I would never, ever do anything to make her feel upset… because I really love her. She's the only creature I've ever fallen in love with. And I'd never leave her for someone else. I miss being with her… sharing our pickles when we ate lunch together, playing on the swings, going to the zoo and talking to the monkeys… the monkeys…"  
Devon's eyes filled with tears.

"It'll be all right, Devon." Pinky said. "As a matter of fact, I think it'll be all better very, very soon."

"The monkeys…"

"I'll be back." Pinky stood up and headed over to the large table in the middle of the room where Alan the alligator was talking to Baby Ned the narwhal.

"…and Joe said, no way, that's not a carrot, carrots are orange. But Steven told him that it was actually a rice- Oh, hey, Pinky."

"Do you know where Carrie is?" Pinky asked.

"Saw her heading for the cubicles." Alan said. "Probably for coffee."

* * *

Pinky did find Carrie near the coffee machine.

But she wasn't alone.

She was talking and laughing with a skunk agent Pinky had never seen before.

Carrie _laughing_? That was new.

"Hey." Pinky said. "Do you have a minute, Carrie?"

Carrie stopped smiling and looked at Pinky curiously. "For what?"

"My doll's broken." Pinky handed Carrie the rag doll. "I can't figure out what's up with it. I figured maybe you could try and see if you can fix it."

"This is a creepy doll." Carrie said uneasily. "It has no face. I don't like it when things don't have a face."

Pinky watched Sandra Unice the sea urchin roll past the doorway.

"I'm scared." Carrie said in a small voice.

"Carrie, please. At least just give it a hug."

"Why?"

"Um… to fix it with love." Pinky said.

"I'm not hugging that thing." Carrie said.

"I'll do it." The skunk took the doll from Carrie and gave it a squeeze.

Devon's voice recording began to play.

"I… I dunno. I just would want-love her. She's the only- someone else. I miss-pickles-playing on the swings, going to the zoo and-monkeys."

"Yep, it's broken, all right." The skunk said.

Pinky groaned. "It wasn't supposed to skip like that! It was supposed to play you a heartfelt message from Devon!"

"Devon and I aren't together anymore, Pinky." Carrie looked down at the floor.

"Carrie, it was all a big misunderstanding. You have to talk to him!"

"I'm not talking to him anymore!" Carrie burst into tears and ran from the room.

Pinky sighed. "Looks like Plan Ugly Doll was a huge flop."

"Wouldn't have worked anyway." The skunk said. "Devon shouldn't have cheated on her."

"He never did!" Pinky said. "That girl he was talking to was his cousin! The only reason he lied about being at the mall was because he was out buying Carrie a ring! A WEDDING ring!"

"Oh." The skunk looked surprised. "Wow."

"Anyway… you seem to be close to her. Maybe you can convince her to give Devon another chance."

The skunk shrugged. "Maybe. It'll be hard."

"Please." Pinky said. "We have to try."

"I'll do my best, I guess." The skunk shook Pinky's hand. "I'm Sapphire. People call me Phire."

"Pinky."

"See you around." Phire handed him the ragdoll and left the room.

Pinky held up the doll. "Great. Now I have to figure out ANOTHER plan for Devon and Carrie."

"The monkeys… the monkeys…" The doll said.

"Be quiet." Pinky said.

* * *

Perry wandered into Phineas and Ferb's room and jumped onto his giant teddy bear sitting in between the two beds. He patted down a spot and curled up.

Ferb came into the room a few moments later and started looking through the books on the bookshelf.

"Hi, Ferbooch." Perry said.

"Perrybear." Ferb said.

"What are you looking for?"

"My cow."

"Seriously."

"Trying to find a book to take with me. Isabella invited us over for the night."

"How about The New Nanny?" Perry asked.

Ferb snickered. "We don't have a copy."

"Pretty sure we do. I stole it from Martin O'Riley to punish him for being a horrible human being. Phineas must have buried it somewhere. Ooh, you could read The Fall of The Fallen."

Ferb shook his head. "No. What's this book?" He pulled out a small paper scrapbook tied together with string.  
Perry laughed. "That must be from my baby box. I guess I got it mixed up in the books here when I was moving some stuff from my lair. It's my baby book. Give it."

"No, I want to read it." Ferb opened the book.

Perry covered his eyes. "Please don't."

"Aw, there you are in a sink. Perry's first bath."

"When I had my first bath, I splashed Candace." Phineas said, coming into the room.

"Look." Ferb handed the book to Phineas. "It's Perry's baby book."

"Awwww." Phineas said. "So cute." He turned the page. "Aww! Perry's first tooth!"

"Stop it." Perry got up and tried to grab the book back.

"But you're so adorable!" Phineas said. "Aww, look! There's you sitting on newspapers!"

"That's enough." Perry grabbed the book and closed it.

"I have a baby book." Phineas said. "But mostly there are loose photos."

"I know." Perry said. "I have one of you two in the tub. I keep it in my wallet for blackmailing purposes."

"We need to even the playing field." Ferb said. He snatched the book away from Perry and held it up high.

"Give it."

"We'll trade it for the tub picture." Ferb said.

"I'll email the picture to Isabella if you don't give me my baby book back."  
"We'll show Doofenshmirtz the baby book if you show Isabella the picture."

Phineas took the baby book from Ferb and handed it back to Perry. "You're so cute, Perry. You don't have to be embarrassed about your baby book."

"Yes, I do. It has the lyrics to one of the songs I sang when I was little. My Body Lies Over The Ocean."

"Oh my." Phineas said.


	6. Chapter 6

"Delores, I need him."

"But Frank… I need you."

"Delores, you don't understand. Louis isn't my second cousin. He's my son."

"But… but he's my son too."

They kissed.

"This is the stupidest movie ever." Perry said. "I can't believed you dragged me to this."

"You have to watch romantic movies around Valentine's Day." Pinky said.

"Yeah. It's like a universal law." Peter said.

"It also appears to be a universal law that whatever movies we watch suck." Perry said. "I mean, how can this guy be friends with this girl and her kid and have no idea the kid is his son?"

Peter and Pinky looked at Perry.

"That's different." Perry said. "I guess Frank could have assumed there was another man involved… ugh, this kissing scene has gone on for far too long. They're wasting film and my life."

"Perry, shh." Pinky pointed at Carrie, who was staring blankly at the movie screen. "I think it's working. She's interested. There's a scene in the movie where this girl thinks her boyfriend has been cheating on her, but it turns out he was on a dinner date with his sister."

"Scandalous." Perry said.

"You're missing the point." Pinky said. "The boy then goes to the girl and explains everything, and they get back together. Carrie will realize it's like her and Devon. Maybe she'll decide to talk to Devon and find out what happened."

"She looks kind of upset." Perry said.

"She's probably upset because of your commentary. Be quiet."

Delores and Frank broke away from each other.

"Louis needs you, Delores. You can't go. But I need him too. And I need you."

"Oh, how I need you, Frank."

Carrie closed her eyes.

 _"What are you crying about, Lynnie? You know I only lose my temper with you because you don't listen."_

 _"I need… I need him…"_

 _"It's done with, Carolyn. Stop crying. Go."_

"What's wrong? Carrie? Carrie!"

Carrie took her paws away from her face. It was wet with tears.

"Carrie, what's wrong?" Pinky asked. "Are you okay?"  
"I… I don't like this movie." Carrie sobbed. "I don't like this stupid movie."

"Told you it was stupid." Perry said.

"Now's not the time, Perry." Pinky said.

Perry was really only trying to make Carrie laugh. There didn't seem to be an end to her tears.

"Carrie, you want me to take you into the lobby?" Perry offered.

Carrie nodded quickly. Perry took her hand and led her out of the theater.

"I'll eat your popcorn for you." Peter called after them.

Perry grabbed some napkins from the snack shop in the lobby and handed them to Carrie. She buried her face in them.

"You okay?" Perry asked.

Carrie shook her head.

"You want to talk about it?"

Carrie shook her head again.

"Okay."

Perry didn't know what else to do. He didn't like standing there while Carrie cried, but he didn't want to do something to upset her more. It was like the role playing video game Phineas and Ferb had played last weekend: you were given two options, and they led you down different paths. Once Ferb's virtual friend had gotten upset, and he had to choose between patting her on the back or just standing there. Apparently patting her led Ferb down the path of marriage.

That wasn't really the approach Perry desired. Besides, he was afraid that he'd scare Carrie if he touched her. She wasn't exactly fearless.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Perry asked.

Carrie didn't reply.

"You want me to take you back to the agency?"

"N…no. I… I want to see another movie." Carrie wiped her eyes. "A different one."

Perry looked up at the movie list that was posted above the snack bar.

"There's That Darn Fiancé, My Mother The Brownie, A Plethora Of Bunnies, and The Three Muske-sharks. I think that one's the Three Musketeers, but with sharks."

"Bunnies." Carrie sniffled.

"Okay." Perry said. "I'll buy the tickets."

* * *

Phineas roller-skated into the kitchen.

"Whatchya… doin'?" He asked, skating back and forth behind Perry.

"Making doughnuts." Perry poked at one of the doughnuts on the frying pan with his spatula. "Be careful. Heated oil is worse than boiling water."

"Ferb… and I… are gonna… skate everywhere today!" Phineas said, spinning in circles.

"That's lovely. Please skate everywhere somewhere else."

"Do you wanna go to the park with us- WOAH!" Phineas crashed into the kitchen counter, overturning two bags of flour and the bowl of glaze Perry had been preparing for the doughnuts.  
"You monster. Get out of here." Perry said.

"Sorry." Phineas licked away some of the glaze that had spilled on his arm. "What are the doughnuts for?"

"They're free with purchase when I sell you. Get out. I need to concentrate."

"Ferb and I will help you make more glaze." Phineas said. "Ferb knows how to make a really good chocolate frosting, too. What are the doughnuts really for?"

"I'm baking them for Devon. Hopefully they'll cheer him up until the whole thing with Carrie works out. I'll make more for you two if you behave."

"We always behave." Phineas said, attempting to stand up.

"Get." Perry commanded.

"Ferb and I are going to the movies later." Phineas said. "We're going to see Dancing Monkey Six."

"How many times is that monkey going to dance?" Perry asked.

"I dunno." Phineas shrugged and pulled himself up. "Are you gonna put powdered sugar on the doughnuts?"

"Yes, on some of them. If you'll leave. Out."

Phineas skated out of the kitchen.

"FERB! Perry's making us doughnuts."

"Good. I shall eat them all."

"They're for Devon!" Perry called.

"They're for Ferb." Ferb replied.

"I'll make more later."

"Not too much later. I'm hungry." Phineas said.

"Hush, children. You'll get your doughnuts."

* * *

"Day Three." Peter said, pointing at the easel in the middle of the stage. "As you can see, our Love Masterpiece is turning out quite nicely."

"It's just three lines of blue paint." Billy the beaver said.

"Good observation, Billy." Peter said. "See, our Love Masterpiece cannot be complete until we make our move. You need to be able to break through the barrier that separates you from being with your loved one. Allow me to demonstrate ways to make physical contact with someone without freaking them out."

Peter pulled Charlisse the chameleon onstage.

"First demonstration: The stretch." Peter sat down on the edge of the stage and patted the spot next to him. Charlisse sat down.

"This works best in a movie theater." Peter said. "All you do is yawn and stretch."

Peter yawned and stretched his arms out, placing his left arm around Charlisse's shoulder.

"Keep in mind that once you get your arm there, you can't turn back. So try not to be nervous, or your arm is gonna get all hot and sweaty." Peter said. "Let's all try it. Person next to you. Go."

"I'd rather not-" Ernest began to object. Lillian the loris yawned and put her arm around his shoulder.

"And now, the ever-so-slight head-to-shoulder maneuver." Peter said. He took his arm away and yawned again, leaning his head against Charlisse's shoulder.

"Um, we need help." Said Cyrus the capybara. Marlow the mouse was attempting to copy Peter's move, but he could only reach Cyrus's knee.

"Not to worry." Peter said. "Love comes in all sizes. Head-to-knee works just the same. And now, the I-need-a-hug technique." Peter turned to Charlisse. "I'm so sad! I NEED A HUG!"

He grabbed Charlisse and squeezed her into a hug.

"You can also do this to just a leg." Peter said. "And not let go until they fall in love with you. But that can backfire. I have three restraining orders to prove it."

* * *

"Sit here, Perry!" Pinky said, clearing a spot next to him on the cafeteria table.

Perry rolled his eyes. Pinky probably wanted to talk to him about getting involved in someone else's business again. If something went wrong in some random person's life, one had better believe that Pinky would do all in his power to fix it.

Perry sat down next to Pinky and started eating his salad.

"So, did Carrie tell you anything?" Pinky asked. "Why'd she get all upset earlier?"

"I think the movie upset her, Pinky."

"Yeah, but why?"

"I don't know."

"Didn't she tell you?"

"No. I asked her what would make her feel better, and she wanted to watch another movie. So we went and saw A Plethora Of Bunnies."

"And? What happened?"

"Well, this one woman with a pet bunny meets this man with a pet bunny, and their bunnies have baby bunnies, and before you know it, their whole house is filled with…"

"I know what the movie's about, Perry." Pinky said impatiently. "With Carrie. What happened with Carrie?"

"She calmed down, she seemed fine, I took her back to the agency, she's sitting over there. End of story." Perry pointed at a table across the room, where Carrie sat with a skunk. "Who is that skunk she's with, anyway?"

"New agent." Pinky said. "Phire."

"As in 'my carpet is on fire'?"

"Phire. Like the end part of Sapphire."

"Oookay. Well, whatever her name is, she's checking me out and I don't like it."

"She is not."

"She totally is. She's smiling at me. Do I have a sticky note on my back that says 'Single and Desperate' or something?"

Pinky shook his head.

"Never can tell these days." Perry muttered.

Carrie stood up and moved over to Perry and Pinky's table. Phire followed her.

"Um…" Carrie looked down at the floor. "Thank you… for being so nice the other night, Perry."

"Glad you're feeling better." Perry said. Phire was still watching him. It made him uneasy.

"Phire and I were wondering if you wanted to go to dinner with us or something… you know… to thank you." Carrie said.

"Uh…" Perry tried to figure out how to respond.

Ernest burst through the doors of the cafeteria. "All agents. Downtown Danville. Immediately. Danville Bank's been robbed again."

"You'd think they'd have had the place on lockdown by now." Perry said.


	7. Chapter 7

_Medicine cabinet, bed._

 _Medicine cabinet, bed._

 _Medicine cabinet, bed._

It was a huge struggle to get from one end of the room to the other. Doofenshmirtz's gong-bang-ring-a-bell-inator had given Perry a massive headache, and it didn't seem like it was going to go away anytime soon.

His current plan was to grab a painkiller from the medicine cabinet and attempt to make it to his pet bed. Collapsing on the floor didn't sound too bad, though. Perry decided he was okay with that scenario as well.

"Perry! You're home!" Phineas shouted.

"Voice. Loud. Hurt." Perry slammed his head down on the counter. "Hush."

"Oh. Sorry." Phineas said. "Ferb says the universe is out of balance. We've been working on a creation to put it back in balance."

"I thought the letter S was a G." Ferb said. "Or maybe it is a G. I can't even be sure anymore. But one thing's for sure: People are giving their kids pets and then disappearing."

"That was in the movie we saw last night, Ferb." Phineas said.

"Oh. That was a bad movie."

"Right? So bad. I'd give it no stars. Negative nine stars. So does that mean the universe isn't out of balance after all?"

"Stop it, please. Both of you just… stop." Perry rubbed his head. "Or at least quiet down. Your crazy talk is making it worse."

"Sorry." Phineas said. "Would it make you feel better if we played you the accordion solo we wrote this morning?"

"Gah. Stay away from me." Perry crawled over to his pet bed in the living room.

"Do you need water?" Phineas asked. "Can we get you something?"

"Quiet. Get me some quiet."

"Um…"

"There are doughnuts in the fridge."

"YAY!" Both boys ran into the kitchen.

Perry closed his eyes. _The doughnut distraction never fails._

...

Perry dreamed he was wandering around in a field of tulips. The tulips were all dancing.

Pinky was trying to plant two tulips in the same pot, but they kept jumping out of his paws.

The dream shifted. Perry was standing in the middle of a dance floor. A giant heart was tacked onto the ceiling. Its screen projected pictures of cows.

"Your perfect match is a cow." Ferb said each time the screen changed. The heart cast a spotlight on each person in the room. Doofenshmirtz floated past, singing a song about toaster strudel.

 _Cheesy goodness, yum yum, sweet, toaster strudel's good to eat. Toaster strudel on the stove, toaster strudel in your nose…_

Perry woke up gasping for air. Somehow it had become difficult to breathe through his nose. His head was still pounding, but it was less extreme than it had been before he had fallen asleep.

He vaguely remembered having a conversation with Phineas before falling asleep, and he felt a little bad. He had been kind of cranky. Phineas was only trying to cheer him up.

"Phineas?" Perry whispered. His throat stung.

No. Not good.

"Phineas!"

Phineas came into the room, holding a glass of water. "I got up to get water. What's going on?"

"I think I'm sick."

"Uh oh. What happened?"

"My head hurts… my throat hurts… I can't breathe through my nostrils… and I have a stupid song about toaster strudel stuck in my head."

"Aw. Don't worry, Perry. If you rest and drink lots of water, you'll be all better in a few days."

"That's the problem." Perry said. "I need to get better right away. Valentine's Day is like… three days from now."

"We'll still have fun on Valentine's Day." Phineas said.

"That's when I promised Prince I'd take her on that romantic vacation. She's gonna kill me if I bail out. And by kill, I mean I need to get my will signed by tomorrow."

"I thought you already signed your will." Phineas said.

"I was trying to make a point, Phin."

"Well, Ferb and I are still working on developing the cure for everything, so I don't know what we can do besides hope you get better fast." Phineas said. "Or you could just explain to her what happened. She'll understand. Everyone gets sick."

"I just don't want her to think I'm trying to get out of it. I try really hard to balance out my families, I do. It's just… you guys have been my family for longer than anyone else, and I love being with you. And sometimes my other families have to take a backseat, and… it doesn't leave much room for me to say I'll do something and then not do it."

"Like my cow." Ferb said, coming up behind Phineas. He was holding a piece of toaster strudel.

Perry stared at him.

"Ferb always gets hungry in the middle of the night." Phineas said.

"Were… you singing when you made that?" Perry asked.

Ferb nodded.

"At least that explains one part of my dream." Perry said.

"We can make a clone of you and he can go on the vacation." Phineas said.

"One, I don't want someone else kissing my girlfriend, even if they're practically me. Two, why does he get to go on vacation while I'm stuck in bed?"

"Good points." Phineas said. "Do you want to come up to the bedroom to sleep?"

"I'm too weak to move."

"We can carry you up the stairs on your pet bed." Ferb said. "Like a little platypus prince."

Perry coughed. "Sounds good."

...

"What's wrong, sir?" Carl asked.

"Go away, Carl." Monogram said.

Carl shrugged and started to walk down the hall.

"Get in here, Carl."

Carl backed into Monogram's office.

"Since you mentioned it… I'm worried about the Danville Bank issue. The bank kept strengthening their security after each robbery. The bank is now vulnerable only to giant missiles and O.W.C.A agents. I'm worried that a member of the O.W.C.A is the culprit."

"Those are oddly specific weaknesses. Only O.W.C.A agents can get in, sir?"

"Technically anyone affiliated with the agency can." Monogram said. "It's very worrisome. Unless someone stole an O.W.C.A member's card and used it to bypass the security system… I'm afraid our bank robber… is one of our own."

"Maybe we should hold a stakeout, sir." Carl said. "Since the bank robberies keep happening. The robber must be coming back for more."

"Maybe we should hold a stakeout." Monogram said. "Since the bank is being robbed regularly."

"Uh… good idea, sir." Carl said.

"You and I." Monogram stood up. "We can't trust anyone else. Are you free for the rest of the week?"

"Um…"

"Great." Monogram shook Carl's hand. "We'll soon catch that robber red-handed."

...

"Here's the romantic letter you ordered." Peter said, handing Pinky a piece of red paper.

"Great." Pinky said. "I'll stick it in Carrie's bag when she isn't looking."

He began to read the letter over.

 _To Carrie,_

 _You are as beautiful as a stalk of bamboo looks to a hungry panda. I am really sorry that you thought I was cheating on you with my cousin. But she was my cousin and I was just talking to her. I want to give you something to make up for it. Meet me at the fountain that was just installed in the O.W.C.A lobby._

 _Sincerely, Devvun_

"You spelled his name wrong." Pinky crossed out DEVVUN and wrote in DEVON. "And the letter's a little… oh well, it'll just have to do. We don't have any other choice. How did your love seminar go?"  
"We finished today." Peter said. "It was lovely. Seventeen new couples were formed."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Wow. You must know your stuff." Pinky folded up the letter. "Say, where's Perry?"

"He called in sick. I overheard it on my Tele-track." Peter held up a small device that looked like half a headphone. "Developed it myself. I can overhear every single phone conversation that goes on at the agency."

"Um… okay." Pinky said.

"For instance, someone on the phone right now… oh, it's Ernest… is saying please wash my red dress pants and white shirt separate… must be talking to the Laundromat. Lizzy is saying… oh my, I won't repeat that… she's in a fight with her cousin. And Lowe is trying to get hold of someone named Lodi, but he keeps getting the answering machine."

Peter's eyes suddenly got wide. "I hear Carrie! She… she's… booking a flight! For tonight! She's leaving tonight!"

"What?" Pinky frowned. "Not… not for good, right?"

"I can't really tell what she's saying. Her voice is all wobbly." Peter said.

"Oh, no!" Pinky started to shake more rapidly than normal. "We have to stop her! We have to get Devon!"

"You need to become a professional matchmaker one day." Peter said admiringly. "You really take the profession seriously. It's almost as though you're driven by the desire to live through other-"

Pinky grabbed Peter's hand. The two of them ran up the stairs to the second floor.

They found Devon in the lounge, playing Solitaire.

"Devon! Devon, you have to hurry!" Pinky said. "Carrie's leaving!"

Devon frowned. "To go where?"

"Away!" Pinky shouted. "Like, AWAY away! You have to stop her!"

"SHE HAS MAC AND CHEESE!" Peter yelled.

Both dogs stared at Peter.

"I thought it would motivate him to go faster." Peter said.

"Where's Carrie now?" Devon asked.

Peter put a hand to his ear. "She's waiting for the cab at the front of the agency."

"Let's go!"

The three of them raced down the stairs and down the hall, accidentally smashing into a banner that said _HAPPY VALENTINES DAY_ , tearing it in half.

"Hey!" Darren the duck yelled. "You're paying for that!"

"I am?" Peter asked.

"No time, Peter." Pinky pulled him faster.

The three of them skidded to a stop by the front doors. Carrie was rolling her suitcase outside.

"Carrie…" Devon said.

Carrie turned around. She looked furious. It freaked Pinky out a little.

"Um… where are you going?" Devon asked.

"Ireland." Carrie said.

"Why?"

"I have a mission there." Carrie said pointedly. She was shaking. "Leave me alone."

"Oh." Devon looked down at his paws. "Um… Carrie, I'm really sorry… about everything. But… I wasn't cheating on you. I promise."

"You lied." Carrie hissed.

Devon walked up to her. She pulled her ears back.

"Carrie, I'm really sorry. I don't know what else to do…" He reached into his pocket. "You're going to say no… but… I just… I can't wait around anymore. I'm too sad."  
All the agents gasped as Devon held the ring out to Carrie.

"That was a really bad time to propose." Billy the beaver commented.

The agents shushed him.

"Carrie… um… will you… um…"

Carrie looked at him.

"Maybe."

Devon's eyes lit up. "Hey, maybe's not no."

Carrie grinned. "Yes."  
She jumped into his arms and hugged him. All the agents clapped.

"The Propose-During-An-Argument move." Timothy the tortoise said happily. "I haven't seen one of those since nineteen ninety three."


	8. Chapter 8

Phineas answered his cell phone.

"Hi, Can- um, why are you screaming in such a high-"

"That's not me." Candace said irritably. "Are you hearing this?"

"Is that Perry screaming?" Phineas asked. "I don't have my translator on right now. I'm trying to help the environment by turning it off when I'm not with Perry so I don't waste too much energy."

"He's been crying for like an hour and I can't make him shut up." Candace said.

"Why's he crying?"

"He keeps yelling 'Dad'."

"Well, maybe he wants his dad." Phineas said.

"Wow, never would have thought of that!" Candace said sarcastically. "How do I make him stop?"

"His dad lives at Danville Zoo, I think." Phineas said.

"I'm not going on some wild goose chase all the way down to the zoo. Besides, he'll probably change his mind by the time I get back. A few minutes ago he was crying because he wanted his stupid teddy bear that was in the dryer. I gave it to him, and now he's crying for his dad."

"He's probably just crazy because he doesn't feel good." Phineas said. "He does that sometimes."

"Once when Perry got sick, he got mad at me because I tried to throw away his lozenge wrapper for him." Ferb said. "He said I was a meanie for throwing away Mr. Candy Wrapper."

"Well, try your best to get him what he wants." Phineas said. "You don't want him to cry too much and feel worse than he already does. Maybe he has his dad's number in his address book."

"AAAH! Your crazy platypus just threw a snot-covered bouncy ball at me!"

"Just hang in there for a few more minutes, Candace." Phineas said. "Ferb and I will be back soon."

"Where are you, anyway?" Candace asked.

"We were finishing up the decorations for the Fancy Pants Dance." Phineas said. "And now we're headed home. It's gonna be awesome, Candace. Ok, I'll see you when I get home."

"Don't hang up! I might need you to call for backup! AAH! Perry, I swear, if you throw ONE MORE thing at me-"

Phineas hung up and turned to Ferb. "We better get home."

Ferb nodded.

...

"I have to get better by tomorrow."

"I know. You've said that three times. And my response is still the same. I cannot guarantee you will be better by tomorrow. The best I can do is advise you to get plenty of rest and drink lots of water."

Perry rubbed his forehead. "Isn't there some kind of medicine you can give me?"

"I can give you many kinds of medicines." Orville the orangutan said. "But they won't help you any. You just have a fever. Just some kind of bug that's been going around. You just need rest."

"I promised her." Perry said weakly.

"Look, I kind of need you to get going. A patient's flying in soon that needs immediate emergency surgery. Go home and rest."

"I need to get better by tomorrow."

Orville sighed. He went into the back room and returned with a large medicine bottle filled with clear liquid.

"Drink periodically throughout the day."

"What is it?" Perry asked.

"It's called water. There's your prescription. Please get going. The faster you get home and rest, the quicker you'll recover."

"You don't care about whether I get better or not." Perry muttered, getting down from the examination table. "You just want me to go away."

"No." Orville said. "I'm just very busy. Please come back when you have something more serious for me to deal with."

"Meanie… mean head." Perry said under his breath. "I'll come back and give you an actual insult as soon as I'm better."

...

"Wake up, Ferb!" Phineas said. "It's Valentine's Day! Look!"

Ferb opened his eyes and looked where Phineas was pointing. There were two teddy bears sitting on their project desk. One was holding a sparkly red wrench decorated with hearts. The other one was holding a sparkly blueprint of a heart. There were chocolates scattered all over the desk.

Ferb looked at Phineas.

Phineas pointed over at Perry, sound asleep in his pet bed.

"Aw." Ferb said. "That was sweet of him. Should we wake him up?"

"Nah." Phineas said. "He needs the sleep. I hope he feels better today. So, what should we do today, bro?"

"Eat candy." Ferb said, picking up one of the chocolates and popping it into his mouth.

"Okay, we'll do that first." Phineas said. "Then what should we do?"

"Create a candy dispenser for the dance."

"Oh, that's right, the Fancy Pants Dance! I almost forgot! We have to get everything ready!"

"The fondue machine came in the mail last night." Ferb said.

"Good. But we still need to build the chocolate tree. Come on, Ferb! Let's get going!"

...

Perry was so relieved he had managed to wake up without a runny nose.

That medicine Orville had given him had really worked. He was so incredibly grateful to not have to worry about being sick and blowing off his weekend with Prince-

"Wait. I just remembered. That quack just gave me a bottle of water!" Perry said.

"What?" Prince asked.

"Nothing. Happy Valentine's Day."

Prince smiled. "Happy Valentine's Day. Where are we going first?"

"There's this really awesome pizza place I know about." Perry said. "Let me tell you, you're not gonna ever want to eat any pizza other than Italian pizza again once you've tasted this stuff. The guy imports all his ingredients straight from Italy. Best food, hands-down. I'd move there in a heartbeat if my family could come with me."

"Cool." Prince looked out the car window. "Hope the kids behave for their uncle."

"I'm sure they will. They're good kids." Perry's phone started to ring. "Can you get that?"

"You get it. It's your phone."

"I'm driving."

"Fine, Mr. Safety." Prince picked up his phone. "Hello?"

"Who is it?" Perry asked.

"Some eagle that keeps screeching 'Put Agent P on the phone'."

"Ugh. Flitterly won't give me a break. Put it on speaker."

Prince set the phone down.

"Agent!" Ernest said.

"Hi, Ernest Hemingway. I'm kind of busy right now. Can you call me again when I'm not on vacation?"

"Agent, we need you down at Danville Bank. We have a situation."

"Don't worry, Ernest, I promise I'll be there for the next robbery."

"You can return to vacation once you have finished your work."

"Look, Ernest, I really can't come right now."

"May I ask why?"

Perry sighed. "Look, it's Valentine's Day. I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but I'm taking my girlfriend out for the weekend. We planned this beforehand. So, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to call one of the other agents to handle this."

"Agent-"

"Goodbye, Ernest." Perry motioned for Prince to hang up.

"Agent, don't you hang up on me-"

Prince laughed and put the phone next to Perry. "He's a character. How do you deal with him?"

"With difficulty. The Flittering Eagle does not have a heart." Perry said. "Or a head."

...

The Fancy Pants Dance was wonderful.

Jeremy looked so cute in his sparkly patchwork pants. They matched his blue eyes.

Candace was so happy just to be here, to be with him. For a moment, she forgot all about Phineas and Ferb.

In that moment, she wasn't Candace Flynn, a high-strung teenage girl with the world's most annoying brothers. She was a princess in a fairy tale, and Jeremy was her prince.

A prince and a princess, both wearing super cute pants.

Yes, this Valentine's Day had turned out just about perfect. In the morning, Candace had eaten heart-shaped strawberry pancakes for breakfast with Jeremy at the Danville Café. Then the two of them had gone to the park. Jeremy had given her a beautiful bouquet of roses and an adorable pink teddy bear. Candace had given him a card she had made herself, and a box of chocolates the boys had made with moon cow milk… it sounded weird, but the chocolates were actually really good. Afterward, they went to go see Dancing Monkey Six. Jeremy had shared his popcorn with her. And now, here they were, at the most romantic dance ever…

There was no doubt about it. Candace was the luckiest girl ever.

"And now, our main attraction!" Phineas's voice jostled Candace out of her thoughts. "The Heart of True Love!"

A large heart came down from the ceiling. It had a TV screen on the front. Everyone stopped dancing and turned to look.

"The heart knows all about each and every one of you." Phineas said. He was standing on top of the heart, speaking through a megaphone. "Hm. I don't know how to make that sound less creepy. Anyway, this heart will create a slideshow of romance, a slideshow of all the people in Danville who are truly meant to be together. Hit it, Ferb!"

The screen on the heart switched on. A photo of Candace and Jeremy appeared on the screen.

Candace beamed. This was so beautiful. She hated to admit it, even if it was just in her own thoughts, but the boys really had done a great job.

The picture changed. Linda and Lawrence appeared on the screen.

"Aww." The dancers said.

"A shame mom and dad aren't here to see this." Phineas said. "But that's them, in case all of you guys were wondering."

The picture changed again and again. Stacy and Coltrane. Mr. and Mrs. Weaver. Olga and Chicago Joe.

After a few seconds, people went from sighing happily to shouting.

"But Billy, I thought you loved me!"

"I do, Annie!"

"Then why did the heart put you with Lisa?"

"I'm not in love with a mailbox!" The mailman shrieked, hiding an uprooted mailbox behind his back. "T-that's a lie!"

The heart began to change faster and faster. Thad Badley and Admiral Acronym. Officer Bob and Convict Connie. Ferb and Vanessa Doofenshmirtz. Mr. Smith and Mrs. Wishbone.

"Um… I think it's malfunctioning." Phineas said.

"No, it's not." Ferb said, watching the heart with narrowed eyes. "Not yet."

The heart blinked past more and more couples. The dancers yelled louder and louder.

Finally, the heart stopped at international pop sensation Kendrine Adems and Ducky Momo.

"Okay, now it's malfunctioning." Ferb said.

...

"Tired." Perry flopped down on the hotel room bed. "Sleep."

"I can't believe we ate that much." Prince flopped down next to him. "It was a stupid idea to get the spaghetti when we already had pizza."

"But spaghetti is magical… and so was the bread…"

"It was." Prince yawned. "Even though I feel like I never want to eat again, that was the best meal I've ever had. Thanks."

"You're welcome." Perry murmured.

"You can't fall asleep yet." Prince poked him. "It's still Valentine's Day. We have to keep celebrating."

"I will celebrate in my dreams." Perry said.

"Hey."

"What?"

"I love you."

Perry rolled over to kiss her on the cheek. "I love you too. Thanks for coming."

"Thanks for asking me to come." Prince smiled. "I haven't ever really done anything like this before."

"Me neither. You enjoying it so far?"

"Yes. So much. You?"  
"Yes." Perry said sleepily. "We'll have fun tomorrow, too. I'm glad we get to do this. I feel like I never get to spend any time with you. …Prince?"

Prince had fallen asleep. Perry stroked her gently on the cheek and turned out the light.

He felt incredibly happy.


	9. Chapter 9

Ernest knocked on Lowe's door.

One last task. One last task, and he could finally go to dinner with his sister. He rarely got to see Ellen anymore. She was always busy making sure the woods were safe.

"Come in." Lowe said.

Ernest pushed the door open. Lowe's office was dark. He could barely see.

"Is that you, Tory?"

Lowe's voice was coming from the only couch turned away from the door. Ernest opened his mouth to reply.

"I was hoping you'd come." Lowe said with a slight wheeze. "Lodi told me she'd send you if she couldn't make it today. I assumed she'd forgotten to call you. I'm sorry I can't turn to face you. I need to rest. Don't worry, I have medicine nearby. Just set the rest on the desk. I'll get it tomorrow."

Ernest tried to speak again, but Lowe cut him off.

"I'm sorry if I sound a little distressed, Tory. My mother called this morning. She's moving to Texas where the temperature is better."

Ernest closed his eyes, irritated. He _really_ wanted Lowe to give him a chance to tell him he was actually Ernest.

"I don't mind her moving." Lowe said. "I'm sure she and her family will enjoy it there. The call just upset me. Excusable, of course…"

Ernest took a step back.

"I'm sorry, Tory. I shouldn't be putting any of this on you. I shouldn't be living in the past, either. I'll always have Lodi. And you, my friend. Thank you for stopping by. I hope to see you again when I'm feeling a little better, physically and emotionally. I'll take my medicine tonight and see if it helps. Come by tomorrow, perhaps?"

Ernest backed up until he reached the doorway.

"Thank you, Tory."

"You're welcome." Ernest said quietly.

Lowe peeked up over the edge of the couch. "Oh. Ernest. I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone else." He started to cough.

"I should have said something." Ernest mumbled.

"I hope nothing I said upset you." Lowe took a deep breath. "If you happen to be heading downtown, do you think you could stop by Victorio Phantasmo's place and let him know I need my medication? My sister forgot to deliver it yesterday and I only have a little bit left."

Ernest nodded.

"Thank you." Lowe smiled a little. "What did you need from me?"

"What?"

"Did you drop in for any reason?"

"Uh… Just checking to ensure everyone within the agency was still safe." Ernest said. "It was left unguarded for a while. We neglected to switch off the security while holding a stakeout at Danville Bank."

"Ah. Have a good Valentine's Day, then." Lowe lay back down.

"You as well." Ernest closed the door.

He started down the hall.

He was done. He could go see Ellen now.

Well… he was sort of done.

* * *

"I swear I just saw that girl use a diamond toothpick." Prince said.

"That's not half as interesting as this menu." Perry said. "Everything looks awesome. Except the random chili burrito dip. I remember once when I went to a Mexican restaurant with Carl and Monogram, and Carl ordered the chili burrito dip and found out why there were seatbelts on the restaurant's toilets."  
"She's throwing it in the trash." Prince said. "And now she's putting on gold lip gloss. Pretty sure that's real liquid gold."

"Mmm, they have red velvet cake. Let's get that for dessert."  
"She's taking out a silk hanky with diamonds sewn on the ends."

"My, we're prejudiced against the rich today, aren't we?" Perry looked over at the extravagantly dressed bear sitting a few tables away.

Prince laughed. "Right. Sorry. Reminds me of my mom."

"Oh." Perry said. "…Do you want to move to another table or something?"

"Relax, I'm fine. I'm not gonna go into the sob story of my early life. What were you saying about the red velvet cake?"

"We should get it."

"We should."

"What do you want to do after this?"

"Hm." Prince smiled. "I dunno. Maybe we can walk around and browse the stores a bit. Go to the park or something."  
"Sounds good." Perry said.

A lion came over to their table, holding a notepad. "Hello, welcome to the Café di Delicious. May I get you two something to drink?"

"You may." Prince said playfully. "I'll take iced tea."

"Water." Perry said.

The lion went away.

"He's kind of cute." Prince said.

"Don't flirt with the waiter." Perry said. "You're dating me, remember?"

"You're just jealous because I'm a better flirt than you are."

"Are not. I've had extensive flirt training."

"Is that a challenge?"

"It is now. Whoever flirts best with the waiter gets a free piece of red velvet cake." Perry said.

"You're on." Prince said.

The waiter came back with their drinks. "May I take your order?"

"I'd love it if you would." Perry said. "Let's see… I think I'll have the spaghetti with tomato sauce." He held out his menu. "By the way, your mane looks fabulous. What do you use?"

The waiter smiled and pawed at his mane. "Thanks. It's called Strawberry Oceans conditioner."

"Smells fresh as a strawberry ocean, too." Perry winked at him.

"I'll have the salad of the day with a side of orange slices…" Prince dropped her menu on the floor. "Oh, look at that. Clumsy me."

"That's all right, I'll get it." The waiter picked up the menu.

"You're so strong." Prince said admiringly. "I bet you work out."  
"Well, sometimes." The waiter blushed.

"You don't need to work out." Perry said. "You already look amazing."

"Gee, I love this table!" The waiter said happily. He headed back to the kitchen.  
"You're so strong." Perry mocked. "I can barely lift that heavy menu with my pinky finger."

"Fresh as a strawberry ocean." Prince retorted.

"Okay, so no one wins." Perry laughed. "That was fun."

"It was." Prince said.

"But seriously. Don't ever flirt with anyone besides me again." Perry said quickly.

"I won't if you won't." Prince said.

The waiter returned with two plates of red velvet cake. "Here, it's on the house."

"Wow, thanks." Perry said.

"Least I can do." The waiter beamed and walked away.

"We spread happiness wherever we go." Perry said.

"And get free cake in the process." Prince said.

* * *

Perry sat back on the couch and changed the channel.

He didn't understand why the hotel only showed food channels and reality television.

The food channels were at least slightly bearable.

"And now, we are going to be making chocolate cake." The lady on the television said. "Step One: Call your local baker and ask him to make you a chocolate cake."

"Dang. If only I'd filmed myself doing that before her, I could have had my own cooking show." Perry said.

Prince came into the room, rubbing her fur with a towel. "You'd probably just end up setting the stove on fire before the cake even arrived."

"You have no faith in me."

Prince folded up her towel and put it back in the bathroom. "Stop wasting your brain cells and change the channel."

"Oh my gosh. The lion waiter just brought her the cake. If I had known we were dealing with a professional cake-deliverer, I would have put much more energy into flirting. He might have moved in with us. We could have kept him. He could have brought us cakes every morning."

"Three pups living at home. I don't know if we're ready to adopt a cake delivery waiter guy yet." Prince sat down next to him on the couch.

"There is always room for cake." Perry said.

Prince nudged him. "Hey. Thanks."  
"Thank _you_. I'm glad we get a chance to do this."

"Me too." Prince looked down at her hands. "…I hung around this area a long time ago. You know… after Rex managed to get me away from Damien. I tried to stay calm… you know, the next few months… I was kind of recovering from the whole thing. But I panicked all the time. I just couldn't make myself feel better. One night I randomly snatched this super-expensive concert ticket with money I… borrowed. Crush was an egg then. I wasn't really leaving the egg. I had no idea what the heck to do with it. I wasn't a mom. I hadn't ever had a good one myself… so I basically just kept it by my side as much as possible. Anyway… the concert wasn't what I expected. It was random movie scenes, and this orchestra was playing the soundtrack along with them. My ticket had this food thing added to it… hard to explain. It was really nice… they left out this plate of cupcakes and berries arranged all cute on a plate for me to take to my seat. I just sat and watched the movie scenes… holding Crush in my lap… balancing the plate with her… and somehow that made me feel a little better. I don't know why. It was just nice to feel like I could do that, you know? Go somewhere really nice and be treated like I mattered…" Prince wiped her eyes. "There was this one movie scene that came up with this girl and this guy… I have no idea what movie it was from or what the plot was. But they were just… they loved each other so much… and they genuinely wanted to be with each other… just to be happy together. I didn't understand it. I had never seen that before. Never saw my parents together. None of my boyfriends loved me, and I didn't love them either… I didn't understand. So… I'm very happy. To have what I have with you. Because… before you, I barely knew it existed."

Perry didn't quite know how to respond.

"Whatever. I shouldn't have said anything." Prince got up.

"No… it's fine." Perry shook his head. "I'm just… really sorry that you had such a hard time in the past. I wish I could have helped."

"You did help." Prince smiled.

"Good. I'm glad then."

"Thinking of switching to the cute cake guy, though."

"Don't even joke about that. He's mine. I call dibs."

Prince pushed him down and kissed him. "Hey. I'm all yours. I promise. What do you wanna do for the rest of the night?"

"Well… I think we should get on the bed…"

Prince grinned at him. "Listening."

"…and see who can jump higher."

Prince grabbed one of the pillows from the couch and whacked him in the head with it.

"Ow! Hey. Ferb would have thought that was funny." Perry said. "Wanna watch a movie? I'll make popcorn."

"Sure. Sounds awesome. What's on?"

"Dancing Monkey Six."

"Dang, how many times is that monkey gonna go dancing?"

"Right?"


	10. Chapter 10

Perry crawled through the petflap and made his way into the living room.

Candace was on the couch, talking to Jeremy on her cell phone.

"Omigosh, Jeremy, our date last night was just so fun. I'm so happy you asked me…"

"Ermergersh, Jurumur." Perry said as he walked past.

"Ugh, shut up, Perry!" Candace snapped. "What? Oh, never mind that, Jeremy. I was just…"

Perry left the living room and headed for the screen door. The boys were out in the backyard.

Perry pawed at the door.

Phineas looked up from the board-shaped contraption he was working on. "Perry!"

"Perry Everett Bear." Ferb said.

Perry opened up the screen door and went outside. "Hey, guys. What are you up to? And what was with the Everett, Ferb?"

"I make everyone's middle name Everett." Ferb said. "Phineas Everett Flynn."

"Do you really have the authority to do that?" Phineas said.

"I hope not." Perry said. "I like my middle name."

"You don't have one." Phineas said.

"I use Bartholomew as my middle name."

"Yeah, Phineas Everett Flynn." Ferb said. "He uses Bartholomew."

"Ferb Everett Fletcher."

"Baljeet Everett Tjinder."

"Buford Everett Van Stomm."

"Jeremy Everett Johnson."

"Guys, cut it out." Perry said. "You're giving me a headache."

"How was your romantic vacation, Perry?" Phineas asked. "Tell us everything."  
"Everything that happened." Ferb snickered.

"Well, within reason." Phineas said.

"Well, first we just sort of hung out at the hotel… and we went to some restaurants… and got each other candy… and then walked around… and hung out at the hotel again. It was super fun. How about you two?"  
"Well, after we ruined Valentine's Day, we spent the rest of the evening getting all the couples back together." Ferb said.

"The heart?" Perry asked.

"The heart." Phineas sighed.

"And Phineas got an anonymous Valentine's Day card." Ferb said.

"Yeah." Phineas said. "It was really sweet. Thanks, Ferb."

"I told you, I didn't send that."

"Sure you did. Who else would put 'I love you' in a Valentine's Day card to me? Only family would do that."

Ferb rolled his eyes.

"Maybe mom sent it." Phineas said.

"Well, I'm glad you guys had a pretty good time. Aside from the heart thing. What are you doing now?"

"You remember that movie about the guy who drives this car and it turns out to be a time machine?" Phineas said.

"Yeah, I remember. I knew a fly named after the main character."

"Well, in the second movie, he goes forward in the future into 2015." Phineas said. "And there are hoverboards. Ferb and I decided we're tired of waiting around when we could just invent it in a day or so."  
"They won't be able to work on water." Ferb said.

"Hoverboard. Sweet. Isn't it just basically my hovercar though?"

"It'll steer based on how you tilt." Phineas said. "And go super fast."

"And it will only hover over the ground." Ferb said. "It can't go up."

"That'll be fun." Perry said. "Well, I gotta get into work. See you."

Perry walked toward his tree tunnel.

"Maybe Candace sent it." Phineas said.

"All right then, Phineas." Ferb said.

* * *

"PERRY!" Devon ran up to Perry and gave him a huge hug.

"Um… hi, Dev." Perry said.

"Perry, Carriebear and I are getting married!" Devon grabbed Carrie's paw and shoved it in Perry's face. "Look, isn't the ring pretty?"

"Yes. And very zoomed-in. Congrats." Perry smiled.

"We want you to be the person who marries us." Carrie said.

"I don't know if I have the ability to do that." Perry said.

"You're an elite agent." Devon said. "You're able to marry people."

"Really? Dang, I could have been having so much fun with random people all this time… maybe I can marry Ernest and Sandra Unice real quick after lunch."

"So you'll do it? YAY!" Devon jumped up. "It's official, Carriebear!"

"Yay, Devonly!" Carrie clapped her paws.  
"Let's go make a guest list!" Devon skipped away. Carrie followed him.

"Um… I didn't say I'd do it…" Perry began.

Devon had already frolicked out of earshot. Perry sighed. "Never mind. Fine. Sure. Whatever."

"Perry!" Pinky ran up to Perry. "Perry, you're back! You're not gonna believe what-"

"Devon and Carrie are getting married." Perry said.

Pinky looked surprised. "Wow. Yes, actually. But guess what? On Valentine's Day, Celeste asked me ou-"

"Agent!" Ernest snapped.

Perry held up his hands. "Woah. Okay. One at a time. I personally vote that Pinky goes first."

"Agent, you hung up on me-"

"Ernest, if you're having trouble keeping calm, take a deep breath and hold it for twenty minutes. What were you saying, Pinky?"

"Agent, you need to listen to me." Ernest said. "You're the only person who can deliver the news about the bank robbery to Lois."

"Pretty sure Lowe already knows." Perry said. "Even my ex-father-in-law knows that the bank was robbed, and he still thinks lamps are actual people. …What do you mean I'm the only person who can tell him?"  
Ernest huffed. "Because the bank robber just so happens to be his twin sister, and I don't believe he'll like the news coming from someone he doesn't know very well."

Perry frowned. "Lodi? LODI robbed the bank?"

Ernest nodded. "You see why I wanted this taken care of immediately? He needs to be informed, agent, and I'm afraid the best way he can be so is through you."

Perry shook his head. "I can't…"

"He needs to know." Ernest said. "Go on."

Perry slowly started down the hall.

* * *

Lowe's office was dark. Perry wasn't used to it being so dark.

He tried to remember where all of the couches were located so that he wouldn't trip.

"Lowe?" Perry called. "You there?"

He heard a loud wheezing noise coming from the back of the room.

"Lowe, I have to tell you something… can I turn on the light?"

He didn't receive a valid response. He turned the light on anyway.

Lowe was lying on his back on one of the couches, gripping his chest with one paw.

"…You okay?" Perry asked.

Lowe shook his head. Perry ran over to him.

Lowe didn't seem to be breathing at first, but after a moment Perry saw his chest move a little.

"Are you having trouble breathing?"

"Ye…"

"Can you breathe at all?"

Lowe shook his head. Perry started to panic.

"Come on… come on… let's get you help… where's your medicine? Do you have medicine?"

"Yes… but… won… hel…" Lowe choked.  
Perry picked Lowe up and started dragging him out of the room. He couldn't think clearly. He didn't want to yell for help for fear that the noise would somehow cause Lowe to lose what little time he had left… all he could think of was getting Lowe out of the office… that would help somehow…

Ernest poked his head through the door. "What's going on?"

"Lowe…" Perry said, his voice shaking. "He can't… it's really bad…"

"Put him down, Agent. I'll get him to the medical center." Ernest took Lowe away from Perry and hurried out of the room. Perry had to run in order to keep up with him.

* * *

"He had lung blockage." Ernest said. "They're going to clear it out because they fear a transplant will be too hard on him."

"He'll be okay though, right?" Perry said.

Ernest shrugged. "They can't tell at this point, Agent. We'll just have to wait and see."

Perry slumped down in the waiting room chair and tried to keep away the familiar feeling of a fist closing around his heart.

He couldn't lose Lowe. Not like this.

"I hate hospitals." Ernest muttered to himself. "They don't take any responsibility for anyone who dies. 'You should have gotten him in sooner.' 'We'll try but we can't make any promises.' 'He was just too unstable. We couldn't have done anything.' If I had a nickel for every time I'd heard that…"  
Perry looked down at his feet.

"I'd have one nickel." Ernest said softly.

Perry could feel Ernest looking at him. He pretended not to notice and continued staring down at the floor.

"I'm sorry, Agent."

Perry looked up. "For what?"

"I'm sorry about Lowe."

"He…" Perry felt as though his heart were about to burst from the fist-feeling.

"No. No. He's still alive." Ernest shook his head. "I meant… I'm sorry. I know how it feels to… never mind. Just never mind."

"I need to talk to Lodi." Perry said.

"She's in the prison, Agent. Why do you-"

"I just need to ask her something."

Ernest stared at him.

Perry waited.

"You can go." Ernest said. "You're not stuck here, you know."

Perry jumped down from his seat. "Call me if anything else happens."

* * *

"I'll send her out." Matt the prison guard helped Perry into his seat and left the room.

Perry hadn't actually ever tried talking with any of the prisoners before. Most of them were human.

He wasn't sure how the whole thing worked. Could the prisoners see you through the glass, or was it one-sided? Did they only hear your voice through the phone? Or was that little speaker-looking thingy on the glass what they listened through?  
A door opened on the other side of the glass, and Lodi came out, looking a little disheveled but otherwise the same. She sat down in front of the glass and picked up the phone.

"I remember you. You're one of my brother's crazies."

"Yep." Perry said.

"Sierra shipped us."

"Yep."

"What do you want?" Lodi blew a gum bubble.

"Your brother had to go to the hospital." Perry said. "He had lung blockage. He's in surgery now. They're going to clear it out. So… he's gonna be okay, I think."

Lodi looked bored. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought you'd be worried."

"He's always choking on air. Why would you think I'd be worried?"

"I don't know." Perry shrugged. "Maybe because you actually cared enough to rob a bank to pay for his medicine."

Lodi was silent for a moment.

"How'd you know that?"

"He told me you were helping to pay off the costs of his medicine when he started needing it more often. The bank robber, who just so happens to be you, took out the same amount of money at the same rate. Just the amount of money you needed for your brother at a certain time. You told him you were working a day job. That seem about right?"

"You're a clever crazy." Lodi said.


	11. Chapter 11

"There's just one thing I don't understand, though." Perry said. "You… how did you manage to pull all this off… consciously? No offense."

"My brother doesn't know as much about me as he'd like to think he does." Lodi said. "He thinks I never pay attention to lower other people's expectations of me so I can get out of everything. Which is true. But what he doesn't get is I don't do it unconsciously. I'm just as aware as anyone else. It's all an act."

"Oh." Perry said. "So…"

"My dad was demented." Lodi said. "And we had to put up with him because we didn't have anywhere else to go. I figured out that so long as I acted like I wasn't paying attention to anything, my dad would leave me alone. And it worked. But after he died, I realized I couldn't drop the act. It'd freak my brother out if he realized he couldn't pinpoint me. So I kept it up. It was kind of hard once my brother started getting the blockage. I had to bring him his meds on time. I couldn't be late like I normally was with stuff, or ignore it all together. I still managed to seem like I didn't care." Tears started to form in Lodi's eyes. She brushed them away. "Sorry. It's just… Guilt, I guess. My dad took everything and turned it all on my brother. I slid under the radar, and he took the brunt of it all. And all the while, I wasn't there for him. He has no idea that I care about him at all. I owe him for that. I owe him for not sticking with him and helping him through everything. I know he seems like some immortal, completely emotionally stable god to you crazies, but he's messed up because of that. I'm the only one who can help him. And what's he gonna do now? I've gotten myself locked up. No one's going to remind him to eat. No one's going to be there to tell him to quit working so hard. No one's going to remind him to sleep instead of pouring through psychology books all night."  
"I'm sure the agency will understand." Perry said. "Did they let you explain why you robbed the bank?"

"I didn't tell them." Lodi said.

"You should. Is that why Lowe had the attack? Because you couldn't give him his medicine this last time?"

Lodi shook her head. "When he started having worse lung problems, we upped the medicine because that's what his doctor told us to do. But it wasn't working, so I took him in again last week. The doctor said his lungs were starting to get blocked up and it was gonna get really serious because he already had a genetic lung issue."

"So the blocked lungs were a completely new thing."

Lodi nodded. "He needed surgery immediately, and we couldn't afford it. That was the heist I got caught on. My last heist. To pay for his surgery. Everything was gonna to go back to normal."

"It will go back to normal." Perry said. "Let them know why you took the money. They'll let you find a way to pay it back. And if they don't, I'll pay your bail. Your brother's gonna be fine. He's getting the medical help he needs."

"Don't bother with the bail. I don't wanna be in the debt of one of my brother's crazies."

"Quit calling me that. I'm twice as sane as you are."

"Here's the thing: Everyone's crazy. There's no such thing as a sane person. I'm crazy. You're crazy. My brother's crazy. Got that?"

"We're all mad here." Perry said. "But mostly, it's just you. Listen. Whatever happens, it's gonna be okay, all right?"

"Thanks." Lodi said. There seemed to be the tiniest hint of a smile on her face.

"You're welcome." Perry said.

* * *

"Did anything happen while I was gone?" Perry asked.

Ernest looked up from his magazine. "They didn't tell me anything. I believe he's still in surgery. It will be a while."

"Lodi was trying to pay for his surgery." Perry said. "She knew he had the lung blockage. She wasn't just stealing for no reason. Do you think they'll release her?"  
Ernest shook his head. "Theft is theft. Her brother should have asked for financial help if he needed it."

"I just remembered why you and I don't get along." Perry muttered.

"I suppose I could try to explain the situation to the ones in charge." Ernest said with a sigh. He stood up. "Fine. I'll try to see if I can resolve that. You wait here."

Perry watched him go.

* * *

 _The unicorn bunny started poking Perry with its horn._

 _"Cut it out." Perry swatted at it._

 _The unicorn bunny did not cease._

"Sir? Excuse me, sir?"

Perry opened his eyes. A doctor had been poking him in an attempt to wake him up.

"You came in with the fox who had the lung blockage, correct?"

Perry nodded.

"He's going to be fine. He's been out of surgery for about an hour. We monitored him to make sure everything was working, and he's doing great. He's just a little tired. He woke up a few minutes ago if you want to see him."

Perry breathed a sigh of relief. The fist finally let go of his heart. Lowe was all right. Lowe was alive.

He followed the doctor down the hall. The doctor unlocked the fourth door and allowed Perry inside.

Lowe was staring peacefully at the wall. He looked very different without his glasses. Perry had seen him without them a few times, of course, but never like this. Lowe looked more vulnerable, somehow.

Perry sat down next to his bed. "You better?"

Lowe nodded slowly. "Much." He smiled. "Thank you, Perry. You saved my life."

Perry gave a nervous laugh. "That was scary."  
"For both of us." Lowe agreed. "I'm sorry. It's a little hard to talk audibly right now."

"I can hear you." Perry said.

"Good." Lowe shifted his position and winced. "Does my sister know?"

"Yes." Perry said.

"Does Tory know?"

"I don't know. I can get someone to call him. You're not hurting, are you?"

"No, I don't feel anything. Thank you. Is my sister coming?"

"I hope so. I sent Ernest to go find her." Perry was pretty sure this wasn't the best time to tell Lowe his sister was in jail. "I told her about you. She was actually really worried about you… she really does care about you, Lowe. She was worried you didn't know that."

"I know she does." Lowe said. "I've always known."

The door opened. A cat wearing red slippers hobbled into the room.

"I came as soon as I heard, Lois. Are you all right?"

Lowe nodded. "I'm fine, Tory. Tired. But fine."

Perry stumbled off of his chair and brought it over to Tory, who immediately sat down.

"Well, since you're here, I'm gonna head out." Perry said. "The boys are probably wondering where I am by now."

"Thank you again, Perry." Lowe said. "I'm very glad you came in when you did."

"Me too." Perry didn't even want to think about what would have happened if he hadn't. "I'll come visit again soon. Feel better."

"I already do." Lowe said.

* * *

"That's scary." Phineas said.

"No, it isn't." Ferb said. "Lowe wound up safe and alive in the hospital."

"Well yeah, but getting him there must have been scary." Phineas said.

"It was." Perry said. "I hope I never have to do that again. I mean, if something bad happens to someone I love, I hope they get to the hospital BEFORE it gets to that point. I don't mean that I wouldn't do it again if I had to."

"I'm glad he didn't die." Phineas said. "I'm glad they were able to fix him."

"Me too." Perry flopped down on Phineas's bed. "Ugh. I'm all worn out from the stress."

"What an interesting Valentine's Day." Ferb said.

"It's not Valentine's Day anymore." Perry said. "It hasn't been for a few days now."

"According to the mail, it still is." Ferb said. He reached into the drawer under his bed and pulled out three packages. "I hid these when they came because one of them had Perry's name on it. Mum would have been a little confused had she found it."

"What about the other two?" Perry asked, taking his package from Ferb.

"I just wanted to present our mail all together." Ferb said, handing another package to Phineas.

Phineas opened it up. "Aww, heart-shaped chocolates from anonymous! Ferb, you shouldn't have!"

"I didn't." Ferb said.

"Oh. Well, thanks, Perry!" Phineas said.

"Wasn't me, either." Perry said. "I already gave you your stuff."

"Hm. Maybe it was Buford?"

Perry rolled his eyes. He opened up his package. "Wow."

"What is it?" Phineas asked.

"Some really fancy box of chocolates."

"From Prince?" Ferb asked.

Perry shrugged. "It doesn't say." He took the lid off the box. "Oh wow. Look at them. They're so pretty."

The box was filled with at least twenty chocolates. Each chocolate was decorated differently, with pink and red splotches and swirls.

"How did they get the chocolate that color?" Phineas asked, pointing at one of the pink-splotched chocolates.

"They must be super expensive." Perry picked one up. "Those kind of artsy chocolates. You guys want one?"

The boys each took one. They all ate their chocolates together.

"Wow." Perry said. "Hey, remember when you guys were asking what Love tasted like? This is it."

"Ambrosia." Ferb said.

"We should make chocolates like this one day, Ferb." Phineas said. "So we can give them to people and make them super happy."  
Ferb thought for a moment and nodded.

"Who are they from, Perry?" Phineas asked.

Perry opened up the card in the lid of the box. "To Perry the platypus, from someone who just thought you'd probably be hungry so don't make a big deal about this."

"Well, that clears that up." Ferb said sarcastically.

"Actually, it does." Perry grinned and bit into another chocolate. "I'll be sure to thank Doofenshmirtz the next time I see him."

* * *

"We're going to put a giant ice statue of Carrie right here." Devon said, pointing at the middle of the main room.

"Stone statue, remember, Devon?" Carrie said nervously. "I'm afraid of ice statues."

"Stone statue." Devon corrected himself. "And we'll have a fondue machine in the corner over there."

"And a gumdrop tree."

"Oh, Perry, it's just going to be so perfect." Devon clapped his paws. "Thank you for agreeing to marry me and my Carriebear."

"Welcome." Perry shrugged. "When is the wedding gonna be, anyway?"

"I don't know." Carrie said. "I'll need enough time to find a dress. And invite all my estranged relatives."

"We have so much to plan." Devon said. "Carrie dear, do you think you could get your friend Phire to help plan everything?"

"Of course, Devon Woodles." Carrie said.

They kissed. Perry looked away.

"Thanks so much again, Perry." Devon said. "It's going to be so perfect. Especially with you there."

"We'll help when you get married, too." Carrie said.

Perry laughed. "That's not gonna happen, but thanks."

"Oh, no." Carrie put her paws over her mouth. "Did you and Prince break up? I'm so sorry, I didn't know…"

"No, no." Perry shook his head. "I just don't think I'll ever get married. That's all. She and I are mates. We don't need some random certificate to prove we're together."

"Well, if you ever change your mind, call us up." Devon said.

"Oh, by the way." Carrie reached into her pocket and pulled out a candy heart. "Phire told me to give you this. She says you're kinda cute."

Perry sighed. "Carrie, your friend… she knows I'm taken, right?"

Carrie nodded. "Oh, yes. But she just has a crush on you, Perry. She doesn't want to mess anything up. She just wants to have dinner with you sometime."

"No." Perry said.

"Okay. I'll tell her." Carrie said.

"We should make dinner plans too, Carriebear." Devon said. "For what we're going to have at the wedding."

"We'll let you know the date soon, Perry." Carrie said.

"Good." Perry said, popping the heart candy into his mouth. "That's all I came here to check up on."

* * *

Lowe didn't have to look to know who was coming through the door. He had heard her complaining all the way down the hall.

"Get your hands off me. I know how to walk. Why am I here, anyway? He wasn't satisfied with the two visitors you said he had earlier?"

Lodi stormed into the room and sat down in the visiting chair with a huff.

Ernest watched her from the door.  
"You can go." Lodi snapped.

Ernest closed the door.

"Thank you for coming." Lowe whispered. It still felt uncomfortable to take in too much air.

"I have somewhere I need to be." Lodi snapped, focusing her gaze on the IV drip next to Lowe's bed. "But they said you wanted me to come."

Lowe nodded. "I was afraid you wouldn't."

Lodi shifted uncomfortably in her chair and glared at him. She had her hands behind her back.

"Is that comfortable?" Lowe asked.

"None of your business how I choose to sit." Lodi muttered. "Look, if you don't need me to be here, I'll be going."

"All right." Lowe said. "Thank you."

Lodi didn't move.

Lowe waited for her to say something. He could tell she wanted to speak.

Perhaps it would be easier for her if he wasn't watching her. He closed his eyes.

"It was me." Lodi said finally.

Lowe didn't open his eyes. "What was?"

"I robbed the stinking bank. That's why I have handcuffs on. That's why I didn't come until now. I had to pay for your stupid medicine because I can't hold up a job." Lowe could hear the embarrassment in her voice.

"Lodi… you didn't have to… I could have…"

"Shut up. You couldn't have. You can't do anything on your own, and you know it. I was the one who left all those granola bars and banana shakes out for you when you forgot to eat. I was the one who picked up the slack when you got too tired to clean up a certain part of the house. I was the one who turned out your light after you cried yourself to sleep at night, okay? I did all that."

"I know." Lowe said.

Lodi didn't say anything.

"I know you care for me. I've never doubted that."

"Well… good." Lodi said.

"You don't have to pretend anymore, Lodi. He's gone."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're stubborn." Lowe yawned.

"Just hurry up and get better." Lodi said.

"I will do my best. Thank you for coming."


	12. Chapter 12

Candace was sitting on her bed, making a Jeremy collage.

Phineas wandered into her room. "Candace, have you seen Ferb?"

Candace looked up. "No. Isn't he always glued to your hip?"

"We only did that once in preschool." Phineas said. "The glue doesn't stick for very long."

Candace sighed. "Never mind. I haven't seen him."

"He didn't tell me where he was going." Phineas said. "He usually does."

"Oh no." Candace said sarcastically. "How will you manage?"

"And I can't find Perry, either." Phineas said. "Maybe he went to work."

"I swear, I have the weirdest family." Candace said. "Two brothers who are practically clones of each other, an annoying pet who works as a secret agent…"

"It's the best family." Phineas said. "By the way, thanks for the chocolates, Candace."

"What chocolates?"

"The ones you sent me in the box." Phineas said. "Signed anonymous. You can just use your real name, Candace."

Candace rolled her eyes. "You're so oblivious sometimes. Someone likes you."

"A lot of people like me." Phineas said.

"No, Phineas. Someone LIKE likes you. And if you actually think about it for once, you'll probably be able to figure out who."

Phineas laughed. "Why would someone be in love with me? I've never even been asked out…"

He frowned.

"…by anyone… or kissed… anyone…"

Candace smirked. "Yep."

Phineas stared at the wall for a moment before dizzily wandering out of the room. Candace shook her head.

 _Honestly, I'm the only sane person in my family_ , she thought to herself as she arranged the next half of her Jeremy collage.

* * *

"They're cute." Perry said.

"Yep." Prince said. "So long as they're not breaking things."

Pascal and Pandora were chasing each other around the swingset. Sneakers was playing in the sandbox. She was creating a very large sand pile. Perry was a little nervous to find out what the sand pile would be used for.

"You heard anything from Rem?" Perry asked.

Prince shook her head. "I never hear from her. All I get are agency updates. You?"

"Haven't heard anything either." Perry said.

Pascal jumped on Pandora and both of them fell over the edge of one of the swings. Perry stood up, ready to go over and see if they were all right.

The twins started to laugh. Perry sat back down again.

"What about the others?" Prince asked. "How are they doing?"

"What others?" Perry asked.

"You know. Your other kids." Prince said.

Perry watched the twins run over to the tire swing and start to spin it around. "I haven't seen them in a while."

"Why not?"

Perry shrugged. "I'm kind of nervous to. It's just… it's hard to see them again after a long time. They grow so fast. I'm scared they're… I'm scared they'll be so much older and I don't want to see that… and know how much I've missed."

"They'll get even older the longer you wait." Prince said.

"I know." Perry sighed. "It's hard."

"Well, I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." Perry said. "I'm gonna be coming by much more often when I get a chance. I don't wanna miss these guys."

Sneakers sneezed. A little bit of sand flew from her pile.

"You certainly won't miss Sneaks growing up." Prince said. "I think she's gonna stay a baby forever."

"That's true." Perry said. He kissed Prince on the cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

Vanessa opened up the door and gathered up the mail.

"Dad, where should I put this?" She called.

"On the table, sweetie." Doofenshmirtz yelled back. "And keep it down. I'm trying to make a silence-inator and it's really sensitive to noise. OW! I tripped over my shoelace again. Stupid aglet…"

Vanessa went inside and placed the mail on the kitchen table. She noticed one of the packages had her name on it.

She quickly opened it up and gasped.

There were beautiful little chocolates inside, all decorated to look like roses and hearts. They sparkled different colors. Some of them even seemed to be lighting up.

The biggest chocolate was shaped like the Eiffel tower.

Vanessa pulled out a card from underneath the tower chocolate and read it.

 _Vanessa,_

 _I wanted you to have these. I made them for you._

 _Happy Valentine's Day._

Vanessa checked the back of the card. But there was no name.

Vanessa carefully closed the box and took it into her room. She'd be sure to keep the box a secret from her dad until she could take it home with her. There was no telling what he'd think of it. He had once threatened to –inator away her ex-boyfriend.

Whoever the mysterious gifter was, Vanessa somehow felt sure she'd be able to thank him one day.


End file.
